I've been finding my thoughts floating into lonely places lately. Places that whisper into my ear...you aren't good enough...you aren't doing enough...you aren't living the life you wanted. It is so unfortunate that I am quick to listen to those whispers...those bits of fear that tell me I am failing or that I am not smart or creative enough. The ones that I allow to replay in my mind far too often while they do their best to convince me to hide away and dim my light...to hold back and wait a little while longer. It is always interesting to encounter those thoughts in times I feel I am uncovering a little bit more of my own power or at moments when I feel like I am on the edge of something beautiful. It all speaks to me of that piece of wisdom I hear so often about us being afraid of our own power...of the great ways we can bring about change and growth and love...and so we feed that fear through doubt and guilt and procrastination...and we make excuses to never unleash our light into this world. I have been telling myself that I am alone...that I am not understood and that I don't have a place to belong...I have been telling myself that I am wrong and ridiculous and way too busy to help manifest my dreams. I have been listening to lines of thought that speak of what I am incapable of and what may never be...of what I am and of what I am not. And while I still create these thoughts in my mind...I notice I am at a much better place than I was even a year ago in terms of what I choose to really BELIEVE. I was looking through a few notes that I have taken while reading a selection of books. I came across this page that was doodled on with winding lines that looped and stretched and represented growth and struggle. It all caught my attention so I decided to read what I had noted. I had written out an excerpt from a book by Don Miguel Ruiz...where he wrote: "...don't believe yourself. Don't believe all the lies you tell yourself. Don't believe yourself when you say you are not good enough, you are not strong enough, you are not intelligent enough. Don't believe your own boundaries and limitations. Don't believe you are unworthy of happiness and love. Don't believe you are not beautiful. Don't believe whatever makes you suffer...Open your ears, open your heart, and listen. When you hear your heart guiding you to your happiness, then make a choice and stick to it."
It was a good reminder for me, and a perfectly timed written truth. My thoughts are what I allow them to be. They can sit in my mind for however long I let them. I can take note of them...stop them perhaps...or let them play out. I can notice how they make me feel and what emotions they start to stir. I can let those emotions sink into me and take effect on my day...causing me to start to identify with what I am thinking...where I could quite possibly start believing these things. Or...I could do something quite different...something I am starting to realize is imperative to my own happiness and expansion. I can stop the thought when I notice it...and send it on it's grumpy way...right on outta my world. When I think of it all in this simple way...it helps me grasp how important it is to bring on the beauty...cause if I let my thoughts dwell on what is uplifting and good, I bring more of those moments into my life. The ones that make me want to lay down in some cool grass, kick of my shoes, and soak it all up...one picnic at a time.
11 comments:
I like this idea jess. Why is it so easy to let thoughts grasp our emotions so tightly, and so difficult to let those thoughts free? Change begins with a mindset. You my sweet sister are on a good path :)
You are a such beautiful woman with such amazing talents and powerful ideas. So just kick those "not good enough" thoughts right on their way cause they don't belong around that precious spirit of yours:) :) Love you sis
i SO needed to read this right now!! thanks!
When you start to hear those thoughts, just call your mom. I'll let you know what a capable, creative, intelligent, young lady you are and what a great influence you have on so many around you.
I do know how thoughts get going and then we have our own conversations with ourselves and on and on......but.....it sounds like you have the right idea!
ly
That makes me so sad. Jess you are remarkable. I look up to you in so many ways. Don't let those thoughts influence you, you can do ANYTHING you put your mind too, I have no doubt about that!
It is easy to let those negative and self-depricating thoughts seep into our mind and fester. They change our perspective on the world around us and who we are. I love the idea of kicking out those thoughts and just not believing them. You are an amazing woman who I respect and admire. You make such an impact on the world around you and the people in your life. I love the fact that you are a friend to me!
I think a lot of us have those thoughts of doubts and self-deprecation. I know I do and if I say too much here, everyone will know how screwed up I am!
those negative growlies spend far too much time whispering their nasty doubts in my ears too ... holding your hand as we walk towards the positive and the beauty, ignoring the growlies as their voice weakens :) xox
Oh, Jessie, sometimes you worry me!
The author you quoted, Don Miguel Ruiz, gave you the perfect answer...."When you hear your heart guiding you to your happiness, then make a choice and stick to it."
It does not make any difference if the dishes need to be done; the floors mopped the laundry done, the dusting needs to be done...baloney...leave it and do what your heart tells you. A change in plans is not going to destroy your world. If it is story reading time for the kids ....forget it and take them for an adventure somewhere.
My Dad, Your greatgrandfather, Bennie Grove, who you never knew but you do know that he was an out and out alcoholic, had a phrase that I want to pass on to you. As a reformed alcoholic he was never away from the craving for a drink and his philosophy was "I'm one drink away from a drunk." And when he was sorely tempted his phrase was "I gotta stop this 'stinkin' thinkin'.
So Jessie when you allow yourself to be overtaken by what your mind is listening to and you are thinking those negative thoughts you need to jerk yourself up short and stop that "stinkin' thinkin'.
You are the only one who can change the path of your thoughts and you CAN do it by a change of environment or place or activity at that moment and doing something more positive concerning action and thought.
I am not famous, or Mr. Wonderful, or the envy of the world or anybody or anything that other people see as wishing to be. I am not stuck on myself but I AM happy and content with who I am. Oh sure I lack a lot of things in my persona and makeup but I am who I am and I am content with that. Oh sure, I am near the end of my life so I am not so interested in change in myself but I've had a good trip and have very few regrets. Sure I never got to be that Beach Bum, I wanted to be, but look what I would have missed. Life does not consist of just the moment at hand...it consists of the long haul. An old poem I love is titled "DON'T TRY TO BE WHAT YOU AIN'T". Jessie, just keep on being who and what you are. There is nothing wrong with you. You are a loving and gracious human being who is doing her damndest to raise her children to be decent human beings and good citizens in an imperfect world. Is there a greater calling than that??? I don't think so!
There is just one last thought I want to leave you with. And that thought is your Mama. She had 5 little girls one right after the other (with a set of twins in there) and she was tied down for years raising kids and being involved in all of their activities. Finally, the house was empty of kids and look what she has done. She worked in a bank and became the head teller; she became the trainer of all the tellers; she needed a change and she took a course on the internet to become a dental Assistant and granduated and was a Dental Assistant for several years. Then she became a videographer and took videos of weddings and turned them into finished products to sell to the bride and groom; then she needed a change and became something like a stock clerk at LINENS & THINGS and now she works at a Baby Boutique. And she did all these things after you kids were grown and left home. But before she did that she raised 5 girls into being great human beings. So honey you've got a lot of years to do all the things you may want to test your mettle at. But right now as you realized in that qreat essay you wrote "I AM MAMA" you are a Mama and that is the most noble thing a woman can do in my opinion. And you are good at being a MAMA. So Jessie try to love yourself for who and what you are and put up a road sign in your mind saying DETOUR for all that "stinkin' thinkin'".
I love you and I am proud of you.
GG
well what can i say after what grandpa wrote except this. i love you, and i, obviously am not the only one. i am forever grateful for what you teach me in my life. i have read excerpts from that book and found it so exhilerating, truthful and beautiful, yet very difficult to grasp. we are the worst critic of ourselves. i hope that you know that you are constantly supported by your family and friends....you are not EVER alone.
i also want to comment real quick on my mama...you are an amazing woman and i am so proud to be your daughter.
Jess, I think everyone feels at times as though they are not good enough, smart enough, or second guess who and were they are in this world. You are definitely not alone! I think it is important to be reminded that these thoughts need to be let go! We need to feel our mind with positive thoughts and surround ourself with positive people. It is hard to remember to be positive and feel that you are good enough when you are constantly going through challenges each day of your life and many of them being first time challenges as your chillies grow and change. Our we doing the right thing, are we doing enough, what should we do in this situation? It is tough to stay confident in a world that changes every day. I have a quote on my computer that reads " You are your own worst critic, so be kind to yourself and do positive things for yourself!" I read this all the time and it reminds me to be easy on my self. We all know I am not perfect so I guess I shouldn't expect myself to be! Remember people see you in a different way than you see yourself and others see you for your true self and you don't allow yourself to see how great and special you really are! you offer a lot to this world and the people in it! Don't forget that! I love you and like many others have said, I admire you for the person that you are and the many strengths that you possess.
Jess ~ I feel the urge to remind you how incredibly beautiful you are and how you are such an important part of this world, but it doesn't mean anything until you believe it yourself...and I think you do...it's just that some days are tougher than others to remember that. :)I also hear quite "loudly" that you often feel alone in your thoughts, ideals, desires, passions and heart...but I think you are surrounded by many people who DO share your heart's longings in many ways, but since we are all such unique human beings, we all express it differently. I also relish all the ways in which are ARE different...how boring would life be if we always had the same ideas? :) I know you know these things. I just wanted to remind you that even though you may feel like you aren't doing enough, or you are misunderstood or that you are alone...you are right where you need to be in your journey. There's no other place you should be...and you are taking actions everyday (no matter how small) that are placing you closer to your heart's longings in some way. The key is to keep moving.
I love you and think you are a beautiful part of this world we live in.
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