I've been finding my thoughts floating into lonely places lately. Places that whisper into my ear...you aren't good enough...you aren't doing enough...you aren't living the life you wanted. It is so unfortunate that I am quick to listen to those whispers...those bits of fear that tell me I am failing or that I am not smart or creative enough. The ones that I allow to replay in my mind far too often while they do their best to convince me to hide away and dim my light...to hold back and wait a little while longer. It is always interesting to encounter those thoughts in times I feel I am uncovering a little bit more of my own power or at moments when I feel like I am on the edge of something beautiful. It all speaks to me of that piece of wisdom I hear so often about us being afraid of our own power...of the great ways we can bring about change and growth and love...and so we feed that fear through doubt and guilt and procrastination...and we make excuses to never unleash our light into this world. I have been telling myself that I am alone...that I am not understood and that I don't have a place to belong...I have been telling myself that I am wrong and ridiculous and way too busy to help manifest my dreams. I have been listening to lines of thought that speak of what I am incapable of and what may never be...of what I am and of what I am not. And while I still create these thoughts in my mind...I notice I am at a much better place than I was even a year ago in terms of what I choose to really BELIEVE. I was looking through a few notes that I have taken while reading a selection of books. I came across this page that was doodled on with winding lines that looped and stretched and represented growth and struggle. It all caught my attention so I decided to read what I had noted. I had written out an excerpt from a book by Don Miguel Ruiz...where he wrote:
"...don't believe yourself. Don't believe all the lies you tell yourself. Don't believe yourself when you say you are not good enough, you are not strong enough, you are not intelligent enough. Don't believe your own boundaries and limitations. Don't believe you are unworthy of happiness and love. Don't believe you are not beautiful. Don't believe whatever makes you suffer...Open your ears, open your heart, and listen. When you hear your heart guiding you to your happiness, then make a choice and stick to it."
It was a good reminder for me, and a perfectly timed written truth. My thoughts are what I allow them to be. They can sit in my mind for however long I let them. I can take note of them...stop them perhaps...or let them play out. I can notice how they make me feel and what emotions they start to stir. I can let those emotions sink into me and take effect on my day...causing me to start to identify with what I am thinking...where I could quite possibly start believing these things. Or...I could do something quite different...something I am starting to realize is imperative to my own happiness and expansion. I can stop the thought when I notice it...and send it on it's grumpy way...right on outta my world. When I think of it all in this simple way...it helps me grasp how important it is to bring on the beauty...cause if I let my thoughts dwell on what is uplifting and good, I bring more of those moments into my life. The ones that make me want to lay down in some cool grass, kick of my shoes, and soak it all up...one picnic at a time.