12.24.2008

family (december views)

wishing you beautiful moments with your loved ones!

12.19.2008

in my head (december words)

i need words.
i have a lot of junk to sort through in my mind, and i need to write.
the thoughts are all getting too loud and they need to breathe.
after this, i will slip back into the quietude of december views...where occasionally i have posted a few images of our december moments.
i had a dream last night.
someone gifted my family with a video game system.
i think it was a wii.
i think i can count myself among the minority of this country who would dream about being gifted with a wii, only to wake up and call it a nightmare.
it was sort of a nightmare for me.
i got all anxious and unsettled that there was a wii in my home.
ha.
i think that is kind of funny, because seriously,
it got me very anxious.
i went shopping yesterday.
for the first time all month.
my ability to juggle working and planning for the holidays and being present with my children is a work in progress.
i totally forgot about gifts...or i just put them off because i didn't realize how fast the days were slipping by.
so my handmade pledge has gone by the wayside this year...and yesterday, I shopped.
it didn't feel good.
i always wonder why we do this.
i understand the pleasure of giving.
i understand the joy in watching my children open presents in excitement.
i just get turned off when i go out in our consumer driven world and get gobbled up by the energy of it all.
i just really should have shopped on etsy earlier this month, and i wish i would have brought to fruition all the thoughts of what i could make myself.
alas.
i didn't.
and in the midst of all the "should haves", i can see (and hear) my children taking note of the consumer driven aspect of the holiday season.
and i don't really know exactly how to approach it all in wisdom and gentleness.
i suppose enhancing the experiences of meaning is important.
this year, instead of drawing names for the family i was born into, we decided to give that money to a family that we are tied to who is going through very difficult times.
i feel good about where all of that giving is going.
i also love being able to gift the children in my life with treasures i know they will enjoy.
the rest of it, eh.
it just isn't what makes the season sing.
my heart is hanging on the truth i know of people struggling so much.
some worlds away, and some not so far.
i am reminded of how much MORE i can do with this life of mine.
and how, really, truly...how very lucky i am.
it was raining so hard the other night and it was c.o.l.d.
i walked out to my backyard and watched the rain and saw how beautiful it was and stopped and really had a moment of huge thankfulness that we had shelter and warmth and that my kids were tucked away in a bed with blankets and that i didn't have to worry about them at all in that way.
i know there is complexity to every situation.
i think i am just aching for the simple things in life.
i dream up these escape plans in my head and picture the work i could be doing and also wish so deeply that my children (and myself) could come close to areas of the world that are so different than ours and learn just how little we need.
even though i may think we don't have very much on the spectrum of this society.
really, we have the world.
and.
we have each other.
perhaps i am being a bit of a scrooge.
i have a slight case of the grumblies today.
but i needed to air my thoughts, i need to sort them out a bit and act on what i can...and move on with it all.
today we are going to string cranberries and popcorn for the outdoor tree, paint a birdhouse and make bird feeder ornaments to hang for solstice tomorrow.
i am hoping for a quiet, cozy weekend with my little family in celebration of this time of year.
i take a deep breath.
i will decide to focus on what brings me joy.
little, tiny, thoughtful things.
edited to add!
go read this.
it is the most kindred piece i have read in a long time.
she spins magic with words.

12.05.2008

passionate (december views)

~filling me to my fullest, several times a day~

12.02.2008

soaking up the view (december views)

I am really tired. Really. Very tired.
And I feel slightly sad about a few uncertainties in how my efforts towards life and loving are being received in the universe.
I am a bit alone and wandering.
I feel quiet but occasionally I just want to laugh really, really loud.
Laughing really loud feels so good sometimes.
Mostly, I am busy...and full of thought, and I don't have many moments where the two of those coincide nicely together.
So...I figured it might be pro-active sanity to join up with my loved friend darlene and engage in this here project.
I feel like guiding myself into observation mode is exactly what feels good to my soul.
Welcome to what december looks like from my view.
Some days, I may toss out a few words of explanation or inspiration.
Mostly, I probably won't.
Today's view, well...this is about the only thing that has filled me up with vibration and energy the past week while I've been sitting on my bum, working through images from earlier photo sessions and being drained of positive fuel by my computer screen.
Here comes the sun, my music.

oh sweet music!

thank you for sharing life.

(and a little boogie too)

12.01.2008

not just any day

and on this day, was the birth of a girl who knew her song so certainly.
she sang it with the intensity of fire,
and the softness of a bird's wing.
so surely she sang...
that it woke the angels' with a whisper.
and they all watched in wonder,
of her magical story.
happy birthday my soul child.
keep singing that beautiful song.

11.19.2008

cause

i have much to catch up on here in this little space of sanctuary for my thoughts, starting with a re-cap of a very special event that took place this past weekend.
several members from my family (including my mom, uncle and cousin) began their adventure on friday to walk the breast cancer 3-day.
this was the third (and final) year for both my mom and uncle to be walking.
it has been 4 years since i walked with my sister.
it is all still so touching and inspiring to witness.
My involvement seems to shrink as the years go by and the babies multiply and the needs are higher and the tolerance of sitting among throngs of people with little roaming room are shorter...but we always manage to make it out to what we can.
This year I was so happy to be at the opening ceremonies, in which I am always brought to tears and reminded of the heroes in my own life who have been effected by cancer.
a few of the cheerleaders...
It is a weekend of high hope and courage and I am always in awe of what people can do when there is something moving them forward...something called cause.

I'll be catching up in bits and pieces as the days move forward. There is a lot on my mind...a lot going on...a lot to get done.

I am here, trying to work through it all...taking wisdom from the walkers I saw this past weekend.

I'm only moving one step at a time.

11.13.2008

highlight of our day?

sweedish fish outside on a blanket
it's the simple things, really.
isn't it?

11.10.2008

a little lizard love

we went to the zoo this past weekend and all the animals were out and about. the storm that was brewing was making them all crazy.
we saw lots of activity, but our favorite friend was this guy.
we stayed at this exhibit with him for over 15 minutes, just watching and waiting for him to move.
isn't he cool?
he even has a piercing on his back.
you don't mess with that.
and doesn't it seem like if he had a voice, it would sound something like Ton Loc?
remember Ton Loc?
and ever since then, asher has been walking around on all fours pretending that he is an
"eewanna yizard that live wif a dine-an-saurs"
(an iguana lizard that lives with the dinosaurs)
the zoo:
our inspiration for further dramatic interpretation of all things scaled and reptilian like.

11.09.2008

all i see is part of me

Do you ever look around your environment and see your inner workings being represented in the world around you?
Lately, I have been noticing my life is looking like this:
I have been busy. I kind of feel like I am spinning around at speeds that are beyond my control. Life is kind of whirling past me and I'm watching it all with a smile.
My quiet little photography business has been lively and lovely the past several weeks...and the next few weeks promise more activity and fullness. I love that, I do and I am really enjoying myself.
We are in that time of year again where we are beckoned here and there...the weather is so beautiful...the season is full of fun...and on top of it all is new groups of friends, meetings, special events, desires, etc.
It doesn't leave much room for remembering the basics.
Shower, cleaning, laundry, feeding the animals, paying the bills...yada, yada, yada.
You know that list, it never ends.
Even though I relish in this time of year...especially in the changes occurring outside, there are parts of me that struggle with the busy-ness. It is all good things that call out to us. But there is also that things called "too much"...and we have to find what that means for our family every year. Each month. Each week. Each day, really.
So, we can't expect to join every activity. I know we won't be attending every occasion we are invited to. We won't take showers all month long. Just kidding on that one. We will...(i promise).
But really, we have big hearts and big dreams and big hopes (and big families) all in which we try our best to hold space for.
But I am going to commit to giving myself more of this:
And that means just allowing for the confidence in my own understanding of my children and myself.
It means not adhering to every request placed upon us.
It means doing the things that help us grow and going to the places that make us happy.
It means just letting go of having to be anything beyond what we are.
We'll explore our world, this season, our selves in ways that give us energy.
I already don't sleep.
So, I have to counteract it with creating a life so rich in energy giving goodness...I won't know what to do with it all.
I won't have anywhere to go but with myself.

11.08.2008

remembering

an alter downtown
in celebration of
Dia de los Muertos
Day of the Dead
It has been a full week since Dias de los Muertos, but I didn't want another one to pass by without sharing some of the color and life that we got to partake in when we ventured downtown for a celebration in honor of this tradition.
music, art, drums, marigolds, color, jewelry, life, joy...it all abounded.
check it out!

11.07.2008

common ground

yesterday, i found my energetic hope being sucked thin by other people's words stemmed from emotions of anger and hatred that i read all over my computer screen.
i tried to understand...and i couldn't.
i see that some people are amazingly untouched by this victory, and i can easily let destructive attitudes stunt me.
but i deeply want to move forward.
*seriously*
and i know that it takes coming together and joining our efforts in our vision of a brighter tomorrow.
one thing i have found so incredibly inspiring is this notion of finding common ground.
it is there, let us find it.
check out this hope-full project .
read the words.
see the love .
and then contribute your own power message.
let's keep moving forward.
not back.
nope...we're not going that way.
send your contributions to Ze Frank

11.06.2008

passing the hat

life feels pretty multi-faceted, doesn't it.
i struggle with knowing which things are mine to hold and which aren't.
so on days when the negativity of people's words that you read, the anger of things that you hear, the depleting energy that perhaps you let sneak and soak into your heart are just to much to bare.
pass the hat.
oh! and for the sake of kicks and giggles
it helps if it is one with glued on antennas...

11.05.2008

hope

I woke up this morning with such a different feeling in my chest.
Lightness, hope, encouragement.
It is a feeling of witnessing and partaking in something so deeply significant, it is challenging to wrap my mind around the hugeness.
I am full of hope.
And, my faith in humanity is brimming with fullness.
Yesterday, throughout the morning, I tried to talk with Asher and Journey about what it means to vote.
Our conversation came and went for several hours in which I repeatedly had to explain that we wouldn't be going to a "boat" on a lake but that we would be using our voice to choose the next leader of this country...to VOTE.
I tried to explain what a president is.
Asher said: "I want to be the president!".
Go for it my child.
They went to the polls with me and they ate their apples and I couldn't help but think about how important this all was, to each of us.
My children will grow up knowing that this is the way things are.
Change is real.
And for me, it feels monumental.
I can remember my disappointment after casting my first vote in 2000 and feeling like my voice didn't matter.
I can remember taking Asher with me to the polls in 2004...when he was just four months old, and crying softly next to him that evening in bed over the results. My heart was so heavy.
Last night, there were tears...but of a very different kind.
This all feels so big.
Big enough that I have felt the need to share my hopes and slight opinions and joy over all of it in this space.
And now I move on into the promise of new beginnings.

11.04.2008

woohooo!

and now i am dancing around my living room with so much joy and hope.
serious happiness.

11.03.2008

i keep waiting

at some point, my house will clean itself, right?
i keep waiting.
asher was laying on the kitchen floor this morning, flapping his arms and legs in fan-like motions...mimicking the art of making snow angels.
he said: "mama, i am making a SAND angel."
i said: "oh cool...would you mind moving over to the carpet to do that?"
he said: "NO...I want to make a real one!"
oh, i get it.
i can just keep on waiting.
i was holding it in my mind for the past few days, to come up with a great idea for a picture to contribute to this important grassroots campaign.
it is something i feel strongly about and yet,
i'm still waiting on myself to take the picture and tomorrow is election day.
i ended up waiting too long.
i was waiting for november 1st to roll around the corner so that i could write my first post for NaBloPoMo. it came, and went...no post.
but i am still going to act like i did write that first post and i'll just keep on chugging along because i really just want to give myself that challenge of posting every day this month.
even if i already failed.
why should i keep waiting, right?
and on this eve of election day here in the usa...i am waiting.
waiting to cast my vote.
let my voice be heard.
and help make some change.
CHANGE...
i am through waiting for that.

11.02.2008

eternal sunshine

my mind is so far from my body right now.
i had all of these wonderful intentions for celebrating this time of year with my little ones and nothing has really come together for us the past few weeks.
i don't even think that i got one picture of both my kiddos in their costumes!
i'm trying to gather myself together and have my mind catch up to where i am in this moment...but it has been so easy to slip away and get lost.
i can feel the chaos that not being present breeds into my days.
life gets complicated, doesn't it?
this is where i have been:
taking off, kicking back and wishing i still had this view:
part of catching up here for me is processing the sights, sounds, smells and thoughts that joined me for a few days at the coast.
it's been over a week, but it's all finally starting to sink in...and drift away in memory.
for more beach bliss, you can check out my photogblog ~
take a long, deep breath of the thick sea air and enjoy.

10.23.2008

for the love of learning

it has been so amazing to me to watch my children learn every new step and sound...every new discovery that prods them on to greater understanding. it is the way we learn...always. we find something interesting, we start to explore what it means to us, we take risks and try our hand at whatever it is we are hoping to grasp.
i am coming into my own understanding of growth and learning and new philosophy on teaching our young (or rather, guiding and facilitating...and learning FROM them). i am being drawn to different approaches and thoughts on learning, and i am really enjoying how much it is igniting this breath of adventure within my own self.
it is never too late to learn something new.
i see this because i get to witness the natural love of learning in my children.
from walking, to talking, to being totally submerged in a love for wanting to know MORE.
it is beautiful and so very contagious.
so i notice that when i learn best is when i am free to explore what i want to learn...what interests me and what brings satisfaction to my sense of wonder is what i am drawn to.
this just so happens to also be the case with our children.
the world is so full of opportunity to learn and my children are always helping me notice the small things all around us that really are truly BIG and full of information.
it is all at our fingertips.
and the second my children feel forced to learn something that hasn't naturally appeared in their world and minds...they shut down and resist with great effort.
so do i.
i learn when i need to learn.
we all do.
i keep discovering more. each shiny, new, wisdom-filled day leads me to greater learning.
sometimes i even remember what it was like to be a child.
i was really smart back then!
we're off to learn from the world around us through exploration and adventure!
i'll be back in this space early next week.
happy weekend to you!

10.22.2008

what we know.

several weeks ago, i met up with a group of like minded mamas and there were speakers who shared with us the truth of this and that...the toxins in our environment and different ways in which we are exposing ourselves to harmful elements of our world. it was all very informative and enlightening and there were plausible steps offered that helped with the helpless feelings that come with knowing more than you want to know. but afterwards, i just wanted to run away into the forest with my children. and that isn't the first time that i have felt that way.
sometimes (ummm, mostly always) i want to recoil from the tv, and the video game culture that we are surrounded by. i want to sell all of our "things" and invest in a rigged up grease eating bus. i want to enjoy raw food and get off the grid. and for the most part, i know i have what it takes to do it...meaning i know that i wouldn't feel like i had to sacrifice much. instead, i think i would feel more alive and full and rich. because, to be honest, sometimes i just feel like i don't get it...this culture, this awkward play we keep inventing and taking part in. i want to live in a city where i don't *need* a car to get from here to there. i like buying my clothes second hand because they have stories. i enjoy words like used, thrifted, antique, old. i crave for the meaningful, the magical, the natural world. there is societal, consumerist stuff all around me...and sometimes i just want to see trees. some days, i buy chocolate doughnuts, when all i really want is something grown from the earth.
today i'm feeling that pull. that need for only the basics. that drive for simple and profound.
i am having a love affair with Henry David Thoreau these days. his words drifting into my soul and settling down for a stay.
there is so little that we need.
there is so much that we have.
and i look at these two light filled beauties in my care and i see how much they learn and see from this pattern all around us and i wonder how to escape it...and this is when i think of how much more WORLD is out there and how differently we all experience the earth's resources...and i want to really get it. i want to really know it and change it and love the complexity while fighting for simplicity.
now i am just blubbering along.
i really just came on here to talk about how much love i felt for my babies when i looked at these pictures.
and now i am thinking of how i hope they know what the trees whisper when the wind blows.

10.21.2008

a week in the life...

or the life in a week.
depending on how you look at it.
"won't you come out to play?"

Life has been full.

pleasant. achy. lovely. hard.

I am in deep processing mode...accepting the fullness that living gives.

I have been quiet around here, and I may continue to be for a little while.

Tonight I kissed Asher's lips and whispered in his ear as I always do...

"Now go fly with your angels sweet boy."

He answered.

"I will mama. I will."

Something about that made my heart so much lighter.