reaching out and bridging the gap::wellness wednesday

"We forget how much our love matters. We think we travel unseen in this world. Actually, we are all acutely aware of each other"
I picked up one of my "living juicy" cards that was scattered across my bedroom floor from a curious toddler, and this quote is what my eyes read. It sent a small wave of comfort over me this morning, just being reminded of the fact that some people hear me...know me...understand me and love me.
I just came down from a weekend of high emotions that escalated on Saturday and found closure on Monday evening. A lot of it had to do with apprehension. Apprehension over whether or not I was making good decisions for my son and apprehension over a scheduled surgery that my dad had Monday evening...and all of it kind of circled around this idea of wellness and healing and medicine. I tend to lean towards a more holistic, naturopathic model of medicine...what some might coin as "eastern" medicine. There are decisions that I made throughout my pregnancies and births that perhaps made some people close to me a bit concerned or uncomfortable or just curious. My decisions concerning my childrens' health care reflect my belief in a more natural approach to wellness and healing...we use homeopathy, massage, essential oils, herbs and the like as our first resource of wellness. This isn't to say that we never use western medicine or Tylenol...because we do on occasion. In fact...my husband wouldn't be able to live without western medicine and pharmaceutical drugs. His "pancreas" is housed outside of his body in a small device that administers insulin into his system all day long. Without it...he would suffer a diabetic comma. My dad just endured major surgery Monday evening...the second major surgery for him in the past three years. I am so thankful for the skill and the knowledge that enables people to perform this kind of intervention when necessary...and in both cases for my dad...it was. Where would we be in situations like that without an option for hope and health? I know that whatever would enable this amazing man to continue down his life path in order to scatter more of his goodness into this world...I would be the first to encourage it! I am thankful for the technology and skilled hands that lead us to a place of wellness and life.
So, although I hold beliefs that often differ from what is considered "mainstream" health care...I have great respect for what Western medicine can bring to the table as well. I often think about the gap that tends to exist between holistic and medicinal health care. I wonder about how each of them is interpreted by the other. I think of ways to bring about greater awareness and how to be a part of the construction of building a bridge between conventional and alternative trains of thought.
After struggling to find answers to some important questions that I had concerning Asher last Friday...and after growing incredibly frustrated with the lack of communication and the Miscommunication taking place within my pediatricians office...after being told that I was in a dangerous situation and that there was great urgency in making a certain decision...after never finding the solution that I was desperately searching for...and after being rushed into a busy office after finally deciding on something that was against my instinct in the first place...I experienced the type of thing that leaves you feeling like you were blindsided. I walked away from it all feeling as if something important to me...my CHOICE...was taken from me because of that very gap that I spoke of earlier. I didn't know what my options were...I didn't know what resources were out there for this specific situation...I didn't understand what the BEST decision was.
In the end...we do what we can with what we know. We make the best decisions that we are capable of making and we move on with it. I understand this...and really the disconnect was not ONE persons "fault". I learned a lot this weekend...it is so important to ask questions...and more questions...and even though you have already been told a certain answer...ask the questions again. I learned to communicate better...with my husband...with nurses...with administrative assistants. I learned that I should be better prepared for situations that can arise...more research should be done and I need to figure out exactly where I stand on some of this stuff concerning my children's health care. I learned that I should follow my instinct and that I have a pretty good guide...if I would just LISTEN sometimes. I learned how very important it is for everyone to do their job thoroughly and kindly...and that when we make judgements on one another...it only serves to get in the way. But perhaps the biggest lesson I learned from all of it is that I need community. I need a community of people that I can call on to provide me with resources and referrals and information that I can't find on my own. I need some voices that tell me what I need to hear and that offer different solutions to the problem at hand. I need ears that hear my concerns and that not only understand but also have the knowledge to talk it through with me. I need to reach out and connect and bring about greater balance in my life when it comes to this wellness path. All too often...I feel like I am swimming upstream and that I have a lot of loving, supportive people around me...but that I don't have anything to cling to. So...I have been reaching out...and have been met with some really great reception. A friend of mine called me this morning to get advice on natural childbirth and to ask for my thoughts on home birthing...our conversation led to naturopathic pediatricians and she had a list of names to give me. I also met with a woman today about cloth diapering supplies and she just so happened to hold a wealth of ideas as to different groups she thought I would like to be a part of. That is the kind of synchronicity that I love...the kind that bubbles up around me in moments when I need it the most...reminding me that I am seen...I am heard...I am loved. And showing me people who may need to be reminded of the same thing...
Isn't that something we all want...no matter what side of the situation we stand on?
So, today I take that truth with me...and use it as I may to reach out and bridge the gap.


party of five

Yesterday evening Josh and I went to the grocery store with the kids to get some stuff we needed to change the dressing on Asher's wound.
This is what we came home with....
...meet Forrest, our new buddy.
I must be out of my mind.
Oh, and we didn't even get home with the gauze and pads...we left them in the bag at the self-checkout...paid for and everything...which only helps to suggest that the above statement is quite possibly true.
But really now, who can say NO to this kind of magic.


the need for safety

asher inside the fort we made...just in case we need to "hide"

We made this fort yesterday...mostly because asher loves to hide. I have been wanting to set up some kind of permanent "safe spot" for him in our home, and haven't discovered the just-right spot yet...and so...I thought a temporary one outside would do for the time being. We also made it because the mama of the house was feeling a bit sad...and there is nothing like a fort to help you feel safe and cozy. I have been processing a movie that I saw recently. One that touched me in a way I was unprepared for. One that left me searching through thoughts about life and death...and the "mistakes" we make...and whether or not there really ARE such things as mistakes at all...and my feelings on family and what it means to have a true love...and sadness and loneliness. I was sent into my own fears of having regrets and into facing regrets I do already have, and I was reminded of how much I want to be bold in this lifetime...to have confidence in myself and my decisions. My mind would settle in on the people that I know...and even those I haven't yet met...who are enduring different struggles in their lives. And so...it seemed like a fort would be a nice place to sit with all of that...and forget about some of it and just trust the process of life with my two babes...who so instinctively do that in their own lives.

And it looks like we will be spending a lot more time in this fort in the next few weeks...trying to keep Asher still and "hiding" from the constant desire to run and jump and play hard. Asher sliced his knee last night after falling down directly onto a metal brace that was connecting a pole to the concrete of the patio. It was a really deep cut...and after looking at it...I immediately knew that we would be making a trip to Urgent Care. It was a horrific experience for me...and for Asher. And I won't go into great detail, except to say that I was denied my request to have Asher sit with me through the ordeal. Instead, I had to endure a clinging, crying child being pried from my arms by forceful, though well-intentioned hands...and had to watch as he was velcroed into a tight cocoon with his arms pinned to his side...screaming and pleading for them to let him out. The experience in it's entirety was so traumatic...and I did not enjoy being robbed of my choices...I can't imagine what Asher was feeling through it all. It was the hardest thing I have had to watch in terms of one of my children going through pain and fear and heartache. I always wish that in those scary times where it is really hard for a child to understand and trust what is going on...that they would be met with a staff of people who understand their sensitivity and perspective. And maybe...it just doesn't happen that way for efficiency sake or whatever...it just feels invasive and aggressive...and I wasn't even the one going through the ordeal! But, despite my discontent with our experience there...two hours, six stitches and a knee brace later...we were walking out the door (some of us)...and on our way to get some yummy ice cream.

So now today we are visiting our pediatrician to get a tetanus shot...something I am not looking forward to for several reasons...and I don't know exactly how to go about preparing Asher for the experience.

I just want to get it over with...and come home and crawl into our fort together.


you say it's your birthday!

my sister Cassie, in all her beauty and love
It's one of those days today...where I woke up with a great deal of thankfulness...and one where I just wanted to be able to sit in my bed and relish in all the goodness in my life. And you, dear sister of mine, are a great big part of that goodness. Because in you I have a true friend...and that is something ever so valuable in this world. I am so excited for you in this season of your life...with change twirling around you like leaves picked up by the wind...and even more than that...I am filled with joy for the ways that you are embracing it all...standing with your arms open so that your heart is facing the sky. There are many great lessons that come with change...and I am eager to see how you incorporate those lessons into your life...breeding greater creativity and beauty. I can already see how much love has multiplied in your life...because it is inevitably pouring out of you as you walk your life path...touching people along the way.
I am so grateful to know you...to call you sister...to know you as friend. I have much confidence that this year will be one in which you expand more into your capacity...much searching, living and loving will be done...revealing the depths of the goodness in your world.
Here's to you and all of your new discoveries!
Happy, happy day...you are greatly loved!


writing it out::wellness wednesday

The art of journaling has held presence in my life for quite a while now. I don't remember exactly when I got my first journal...nor is that first journal still in my possession...but I do remember spending a considerable amount of time with a pen in my hand during my adolescent years and on into college. I have two shelves in my armoir that are stuffed to the brim with journals...a few of them have been written in till the last page, some of them don't bear any proof that anyone has ever turned their pages, and most of them have been started on and then abandoned due to my decision that what I was writing about deemed worthy enough of an entirely NEW journal...and so the pages are filled up half-way and then...nothing. I ran out on them...with the sincere intention to return again someday and fill the remainder of the pages with new perspective and insight. Yes, journaling...and less specifically...writing...has always been a way of processing for me. Often times, when I have something important to discuss with someone, I find that I start writing them a letter in order to get a better idea of what I am trying to communicate. Somehow getting my thoughts out on a page helps me find words and images that I normally would completely overstate or mess up entirely if just speaking without any kind of "gathering" beforehand. And really, the process for me is where I find truth and wisdom...because I am exercising my mind with my heart and the two are coming together to form something beyond what either can do on their own. I like seeing words appear in my handwriting that I didn't really have to think up...they just came out in script and they tell a story or speak a truth or mend a hurt. There is something incredibly healing about writing out words that form sentences that speak ideas that change thoughts...which in turn changes the world around us. I've recently begun to believe in the power of writing daily. Sure, I have always loved to write...but it would usually be in spurts and waves or in specific mediums like letters or essays or jumbled lines of thought. Working through the book, The Artist's Way, has helped me to adhere to the challenge of writing consistently...every day. When I can take that time out of the ordinary circumstances of life...and get OUT whatever is being held WITHIN...I walk away from that exchange feeling like a much healthier person. And so...as the book suggests...I have been writing at least three pages each day for the past three months or so...and it has proven to be a very rewarding ritual for me. It isn't always easy, mind you, to sit still enough to fill up three pages while there is much pulling for my attention all around me. I am lucky if I get it done...usually it is between bites of breakfast with my little ones...or while I am listening to the sounds of play around me...being interrupted with cries for mama to fill up a cup or to save someone from the dangers of the imaginary river running through our home or to bring a baby to my breast to let her nurse to her heart's content. I will admit that more than I would wish for...the pages get left behind in order to care for more immediate matters...like stinky diapers and hurt feelings...but I usually come back to them in the quieter hours of the evening. If I am lucky...I can accomplish my commitment in peace with a cup of tea or a handful of chocolate covered almonds...and on a special occasion...by candlelight with a glass of wine! The intention is there each day, never the less...and I believe that any amount of writing will do...it is just about the exercise for me. It is a time for me to ask questions and to listen for answers and to tap in to what is going on with Jessamyn...with all of the beautiful mess that is going on inside of me...so that I can better understand how to navigate through this life. And I have found that once it is OUT..it frees up my time to be filled with the kind of living that I am hungry for...the kind that is full of creativity, love, curiosity and courage...the kind that radiates possibility and encourages hope...much like the new pages of a blank journal.


as promised...

...a small photo "gallery" of our escape to Pine with my sister Cory and her beautiful babe...

First things first, as soon as one exits the car and gets a good sniff of that beautiful pine air...a few things might take place. For Journey, it seemed that it sent an irresistible urge through her to go gather as much dirt as she could with both hands and devour it without a trace....well...maybe she left a little trace. Her face looked like this the ENTIRE time we were up there...no kidding. For Asher...the air seemed to do something a bit different...but in terms of discovery...they were both just trying to feed the same hunger. Asher started to climb hills...and trees...and find sticks...and throw rocks...and search for ants...and slide down dirt "slides"...and dream out loud about animals and dinosaurs and other little bits of this boy's heaven. As for me...I just did my best to soak it all up. Above is my view from the hammock that awaits the arrival of tired bodies in the front "yard" of the cabin. When I think about these little road trips...I always picture rest and respite...but the truth of the matter is...with small children around, there is always a reason to be alert...and sometimes the best you can get is just to sit still and look up...if only for a few seconds. Trees of green, clouds of white, skies of blue. It IS a wonderful world. Especially when someone like this is waiting for you as you shift your focus back down to ground level...where there is MUCH going on and great big adventures awaiting your presence.

This is also a fitting place for Asher to expand his fascination with bugs. He has grown quite confident in his relationship with insects...he thinks that he can pick them up and feed them flowers...and in this case, he did it successfully (as in he didn't get bitten by the ant...I am not sure that the ant actually "ate" any of this flower...but he did gently lay it back down on the ground when he was finished "helping"). He wasn't as confident the next day, when, on our walk...Asher got his first bee sting! A bee decided to come land on Asher's arm, which alarmed him and made him draw his arm in close to his body...and that didn't go over well with the bee. Needless to say, Asher was a bit surprised...and hurt...and although his reaction to what happened was obviously one of physical pain...it was almost like his feelings were hurt too. Like, why on earth would one of my friends do this to me? Oh sweet boy...there is so much to learn. Journey...still eating the world around her. Seriously...I don't think I have any pictures of her NOT indulging in the deliciousness of nature...it was her bliss. Accept for the ones where she was joining the expeditions of big brother and cousin Brody. These walks were so nice...although I think the farthest we ever got was one block around the cabin. Each time we went out, it reminded me of the value of seeing life from a child's point of view...short steps...taking our time...noticing the small wonders...unrushed and timeless...having no agenda or expectations. If we were lucky...we found the kinds of treasures that are easy to overlook ...like a tire swing in the depths of a vacant neighbors yard that Asher simply could NOT resist. I am sure they put it there for that very reason...don't you? Or a cluster of wild flowers that attracted swarms of bees. Brody liked the flowers...Asher liked the bees...and I think that all of us just liked the idea of being outside where it was cool enough to really ENJOY those beautiful walks. Each and every day, we kept our hopes up for the chance to spot some deer. We kept talking about it and going out on explorations all in hopes of seeing some...and we finally did! As we were driving out of the neighborhood to head back down to the valley...three doe crossed the street right in front of the car and wandered into this yard. We stayed and stared at them for as long as they would let us. What gorgeous creatures...and what a moment for us!
It was a fantastic few days...and I always love the chance to see these children in the kind of environment that extends itself to them with such freedom and natural play. I eat it up...like Journey does dirt!

becoming a better steward

Sometimes, I get so overwhelmed with this path. This path that I have found that is full of so much information and statistics and numbers. Numbers that say there are 24,000 people who die every day from hunger...facts that show me that perhaps someday soon there will be no glaciers and temperatures will rise to a degree that doesn't sustain life as we know it now. Sometimes...it all looks so big.

And I think about how one little person can make a difference...because there is always so much to consider. I try to remember the fragility of this earth...that there is only one...and that she is abundant, yes, but that we take her for granted and we distribute her resources so unfairly...and that we take and take and take...mostly without concern for where it all comes from. It is really tempting for me to fall into this helpless approach to living my life...what can I do...I am only one person? When I face my challenges like that, I just get overwhelmed and that is when I have to stop and think about what makes change. Change comes from groups of thoughtful, committed people who want to make a difference. I can be a part of that group of people...I want to be a part of that group...and I have been making steps in my life to simplify...to "live simply so that others may simply live".

When I lived in the slowness of Flagstaff...it was so easy to be a part of that continuum...to be on that track that made decisions about the environment. It was convenient to buy locally because I was surrounded by local businesses...it was easy to eat less meat because so many restaurants catered to that kind of lifestyle...it was easy to thrift and walk everywhere and get information about climate friendly practices because it was a liberal college town. It was easy to question consumption because I saw so many people asking the same questions around me. This town, I would say, is on the right track towards sustainable solutions for the earth.

But, I don't live in this town anymore...I have fallen away from that ease and comfort...and being conscientious about my lifestyle choices here is always contraindicated by the pull of "convenience". It takes more active seeking and researching and all too often, I fall short of following my intuition on what I "should" be doing. It is easy to turn a blind eye to what is going on globally when you live in a fast city...where the disconnect is great...where everything looks the same...where corporate domination stares you in the face...and every time you leave your home, you are prodded to buy this and own that. It is harder for me to find my voice.

But, there are changes being made and I can see that each day. There is a shift taking place...like we are on the edge of great change. The city is constructing the light rail...public transportation....it is becoming more popular to buy handmade and to look for fair trade and union labels on our coffee and tea...people are driving hybrids and buying organic. I think about the changes...and I think about what I am capable of doing...and it all gets brought back to this point of me challenging myself to make a bigger difference...to take bigger steps...to talk about it more with people...to acknowledge that it is REAL and that if I have the information, it is important to ME to start being more proactive in what I know is good.It means choosing to be curious about the changes I might be capable of making. Can I go completely cloth with diapers instead of just using them when we are at home? Can I drive less? Can I reduce and reuse before I recycle? Can I shop more at thrift stores and garage sales? Can I be better at supporting local businesses? Can I use less water and electricity? Can I sun dry my clothes? Can I learn more about harmony with the earth from different cultures? And then, can I bring all of this into my life and really live it? There have been a lot of questions that I ask myself...and I am finding that the convenience of what can be harder on the earth really isn't all it is cracked up to be. The past month or so I have been going to the Farmer's Market each Saturday to buy my produce and other groceries...and it has not only been convenient...but it has also been a great experience for me to share with my babes. I already think about where my food comes from and wonder about who harvested it...I might as well take it all a step further and buy that which I feel good about supporting... I also like the idea of committing to only eat out at local restaurants when/if we do. I find that the more I sit and consider the small and big changes I can make...the more ideas come to mind. For me, the most important step that can bring about greater motivation in my life now is to start talking about it more...to find communities of people who have similar concerns and desires and who are looking for ways to make changes in our lives. I also seem to get better connected with the importance of all of this...of the urgency for becoming a better steward of the earth...when I spend time in nature. If I allow myself to connect in that way...to get outside...to appreciate relationship with myself and this earth...my heart and mind get better aligned with living my life in a way that honors and respects this earth. And then I can look up and feel surrounded in hope and have confidence in knowing that I am a part of great change. That is what I want for my life. If you have some similar wants...check out these links...they might be of interest! http://www.myfootprint.org/ http://www.newdream.org/ http://www.earthday.net/ http://www.earthsite.org/ http://www.thehungersite.com/ Bloggers Unite - Blog Action Day


in my world...

...this is the kind of genius playful energy I get to be surrounded by on a daily basis. Tonight, after a rare dinner out at a neighborhood cafe, Asher ran out the door into the night as we were paying for our meal. I went out to find him sitting on one of the chairs set up for people to wait on. I sat down quietly next to him, and because I have had some "trouble" with his listening skills as of late (ummmm...ya, we'll just say that), I felt it was a perfect time to have a heart to heart. I like to think of myself as the kind of mama that allows for her children to explore and seek out adventure...SAFELY. I have a bit of difficulty drawing a line between what warrants redirection and intervention and that which is healthy freedom and exploration into their own discovery of the world. I constantly feel on the fence...unless there is immediate danger...and then I react quickly. So, I suppose my own confusion is what brings about this "challenge" that Asher and I are having with one another. I guess that our communication on when it is really important to listen to mama give some direction about something is getting lost in the mix of how it is OK to heed my advice but still have some autonomy. Anyway...after a long day at the zoo where I felt like I was talking to a brick wall among the THRONGS (and I mean THRONGS) of people...I really felt the need to reach an understanding with this little one on how important it is for him to listen to my direction when I give it...because I try to give it only when it is necessary (although I am sure he has a different interpretation of that). So...I sat down with him and gave a short monologue about how it is really important to listen to mama and to not run away from me...especially when we are around a lot of people and cars...because someone could get hurt or lost...and that I tell him these things because I care about him and I really don't want him to get hurt or lost...and that I think he and I would be really happy if maybe we could listen to each other better about the REALLY important things...like staying close to mama in large crowds of people and not running out the door into the dark streets at night...you know, that kind of stuff. I added that I thought there would be a lot more sweetness in our days if we could help each other out in that way. He agreed...so I thought we should shake on it. I said..."alright, what do you think...should we shake on it?", and as I offered him my hand in agreement, he just started tossing his body about and really SHAKING his booty. He was "shaking on it" in the only way he knew how. And, I gotta say, that is much more fun than just a normal handshake. So we shook on it...in an Asher sort of way...and the moment kind of became this really funny experience for me on the ways young, fresh minds view the world. Of course...let's SHAKE!! And after that...he ran off into the parking lot without me.


lizards in a row...

I am on my second cup of coffee this morning. I anticipate feeling not so great in about one hour because of it...but I imagine that the next hour will be full of productivity, and right now, that is worth the jumble of jitters I may become later on. The past five days of my life have been spent in cooler temperatures with some really beautiful people. First was a romantic get-a-way with my hubs up to Flagstaff for a day...followed by a few wonderfully FULL few days in Pine with my sister Cory and her bundle of love, Brody. How much do I love having the opportunity to trade a few massages for a couple of nights at my friend Karyn's cabin? I love it. I do. I'm all about bartering...especially if it involves a road trip for me. We loaded up the kids and headed out on the Beeline...ready for adventure and escape. We were not disappointed. It was a fulfilling few days for me...and I have plenty of wonderful photos to share...as soon as I can grab another USB cord (a certain 10 month old around here decided that ours would make a great teething toy)...or another computer to bum a few minutes and space off of. Oh...and the trip to Flag...I have much to share about that one too. Fall DOES exist!
But for now, I am staring at the bags to be unpacked and the laundry to be washed and the dishes that were left to be done that never did get done because we came home to a very sick daddy...so, oh yes, there is also some major cleaning to do...trying to rid this house of the flu bug. And all of that must happen in accordance with the naps that my children may or may not take...because we are all a bit jumbled after 5 days of unique rhythm and play...some of us are seriously tired and don't want to come to terms with it...so I think that I have my work cut out for me. Maybe I will go brew some more coffee.


looking into our weekend...

...and anticipating good things!
I have been somewhat hurried today, composing and completing a "to do" list in preparation for a few sweet adventures that I will be a part of this weekend...ones that fill me up with the kind of anticipation that continuously pulls me into the future..into a realm that only exists in my mind...a structure of my longings and projections. There is much to be said about how, when I drift into these fixations on the future...no matter if it is near or far...my children somehow, so perfectly and naturally, show me the wisdom of living in the moment. I think if I had to pinpoint one lesson that is spoken so thoughtfully and provokingly through their play and existence...it would have to be the ways in which they immerse themselves in the present moment, showing me that it indeed is all there really is. I always get brought to this place of realizing what IS and what is NOT, if I just let myself sit and watch my children for a few small moments. What IS...the laughter and vibrancy, the curiosity and wonder, the soft whispers of a baby's babbles and the loud ferocity of a toddler's growls, the mimics and mishaps and the questions...the hands that reach out and grab hold of mama in times of fear...these are the moments that always somehow scoop me up in their importance...often times when I am looking for them the least...and they change my perspective. After all that, it really isn't about a "to do" list that beckons and sends me here and there...but rather about that one moment...the hand that reaches for the swing outside...the smile that appears as she feels the air swoosh past her ears...how a single moment can be all that there is, I may never understand that simplicity again...but I know to pursue that simple truth is something that brings great big beauty into my life.
Wishing you a day full of single moments that bring about great beauty...and enough awareness to allow that beauty to seep into your weekend.
Here's to the moments...enjoy!



Jo-Jo began her venture into walking last month. She has been toddling for a few weeks now...and this past week has marked the point where she no longer crawls anywhere...she wants to get up on both legs and give it a go...no matter how many times she may fall. She is very determined...and she approaches it all in a way that inspires me. Sometimes I look at her and have this picture of her talking with herself, saying..."I know what I am doing...I just need my body to catch up with me."...and so it finally has...and she is exploring her world in a whole new way. One that I am very excited for her about!
She also has a mouthful of teeth...6 to be exact, and two that are making their ways through at the moment. And, either I am raising a small vampire...or I taste absolutely divine...because the girl cannot stop biting me. She also likes to take nibbles of little babies...but she mostly just prefers me... every part of me that she can get her mouth on...and I have never dealt with a biter...so I am not sure the best way to go about redirecting her. At the moment, my attempts at it all are just making her laugh. For some reason, me saying NO NO in a stern voice is just absolutely hysterical. Who knew? So...dear friends...do any of you have any suggestions with this? It does get a bit tiring...a child trying to cling to you with six teeth all day long...and I don't want to be in a situation where my little one has left her teeth marks on the innocent and beautiful flesh of a small baby...so I am up for any tips if you have them. Can you see her teeth in this pic above? So cute, aren't they??? Oh, and no worries about nursing...she knows that when she bites me THERE, the delicious milk is taken away...smart cookie, this girl. I love learning all the unique things about her that each new discovery brings. Her response to each development somehow holds both surprise and predictability. I kind of see that in her...like how she handles the pain of cutting teeth with clinging and the need for extra love...and then once they are in, she will use them to bite you every chance she can get. It think we are in for quite a ride with this little love bug. I wouldn't have it any other way.


taking steps::wellness wednesday

it seems that i have been greatly concerned with where my steps are taking me lately. actually, i guess it would be less sufficient to say "lately" but rather "always". i like to make myself aware of the ways that i can bring about healthy change in my life...or the decisions i can make that may lead me to greater understanding of this world...of my life...of mind and body and spirit. i have always kind of treasured that part of my existence...the part that i believe was instilled in me from my loving parents...the part that says "how can i make a difference...how can i make things better...in what ways can i grow?". and i suppose that this season of my life is no different than any other...apart from the fact that it is RIGHT now...and somehow that makes things a bit more important in the sense that the steps i am taking are made because my heart is consumed by my current longings...my perfectly timed evolution into who i am today. does any of that make sense? or i could just say that i have always been this way...always on a path that has led to new questions and more answers and changes in perspective and worldview and confirmation of truth and some more questions that don't find answers...and i find that i let go and grab hold of various ideas and let them sit in my soul and shift things about and what stays is what brings about greater health in my life...in many different ways...towards a fuller, more vibrant ME...and what goes is...well...what DOESN'T do that for me. so, i find that it is a continuous journey...and that i am thankful for all of it...and that i trust i am traveling a beautiful path...and that there is love around and within. i have always been a seeker...and have seen myself moving forward with motivation to find growth...and that has stayed with me even as i chart through this "unknown" territory of being a life partner to somebody else and a mother to two and an individual who is making her way through this crazy world. one difference that i can pinpoint about this specific season compared to various other ones in my life, is that the lessons are a bit more intense. i have spoken a little bit about the huge shifts in my reality over the past three years...these shifts have brought about great big change in my life...and the urgency for me in finding some kind of peace in all of it...some kind of trust...has led me down some really glorious paths...sprinkled with their own bits of beauty and wisdom.
as with any other developmental leap in our lifetimes...i am tuning in more to the steps i am taking to bring about greater health in my life...it is just what makes sense for me right now...and the more i understand the connection between my individual wellness and wellness on a global scale, the more responsible i feel to be the most mindful, compassionate, positive and kind ME that i can be. i have been holding all of that in mind lately, because i am getting to a point of it all coming into focus, where thoughts are floating down into little categories of collection in order to sink in and take root in my life. a few weeks ago, i read this post from the deeply beautiful and engaging daisies ...and i immediately wanted to get on board with this wellness wednesday inspiration from lunar musings ... it all sounded so delicious! so, here i am...my first wellness wednesday...and all i am really doing is introducing my intention in being here...but HEY...that is a step...and that is what life is all about...taking steps and paying attention to where those steps are taking me.
i plan on using each wednesday as an opportunity to share with you the various steps i am making in my life and how they are bringing about greater wellness in my world. i look forward to traveling down this wellness wednesday path...and i hope you join me...cause i always have been a girl who likes a little company on her excursions!

oh sweet you

I would write more but you are so obviously starving for attention at the moment. I will just give you a million kisses and we'll call it even.



"Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one's courage."
-Anais Nin