i would miss me too, if i were him

Josh and Asher just left the house to fill up our water jugs and go for a "ride"...all in hopes that they return with 6 gallons of water and a toddler's head full of sweet dreams. Asher loves to go for "wides"....I think it really gives him a sense of calm. There is limited chaos in his mind when there is little to focus on other than the rhythm of the car and all of the friends he has chosen to be his companions for the trip. Although there are often times where he resists getting into his car seat...for the most part, once he is in...I think he actually enjoys being held closely by those straps...securely snuggled. So tonight he was excited to go for a ride with daddy. He ran up to me in the kitchen and wrapped his little arms around my calves and said "bye-bye mama" "bye bye sweet asher...i love you." "i yah you" And then, in his joyous daze, he made the small trek over to where Josh was standing....which just happened to be next to the sliding glass door...perfectly reflecting his beautiful little self from the glow of our kitchen light. And so, in attempt to not leave anyone out...Asher speaks to his reflection. "bye-bye" No response. A little bit louder and with greater exclamation. "BYE BYE BABY!" And with a sweet little whisper... "i yah you too" And with that....they were ready to make their journey.

children of the world

I bought this puzzle at Changing Hand's Bookstore last week. I thought it would be a simple cultural education tool and a small piece of inspiration for me to do a "people of the world" theme in Asher and Journey's bedroom one of these days. I was so happy when Asher wanted to help me put it together! He really digs it. And although he is mostly just absorbed with concern for the children who look like they are all about to fall in the water...I think it will make a decent conversation starter for us...and could spark some greater learning and understanding. And for that...I am happy.

a cluster of good times

there is, of course, a perfectly great explanation for my lack of posting these past four days or so...we were having too much fun! we had a weekend full of places to be. it was all wonderful...but it surely put a funk in our rhythm...something that only a few days and nights of doing absolutely NOTHING but staying at home and "being", could remedy. when our days are really full...it seems to throw us out of whack just a bit...our minds become cluttered, we are a bit disjointed and somewhere along the way, our bed reflects the clutter in our lives by being responsible for holding all FOUR of us during the sleeping hours. but now that we are getting back in the groove of things and are able to maintain some type of equilibrium throughout our days...it is about time i share a few of the things that occupied our lives this past weekend. Saturday was a treasure in that Journey and I got to experience our first ever tea-party for our dear friend Abigail, who was so gracious to ask us to join her celebration. It was such a sweet event...lots of gadgets to look at, delicious finger foods, homemade tea, and vibrant women abounding! We chased this lovely afternoon with an evening celebrating cousin Jeremy's 30th birthday! What a radiant celebration it was...the love we have for him and his 30 years of life are certainly in good company with the hundreds of others who feel the same way! And then sunday afternoon brought this.... Matt and Josh had the fun idea to enter a pizza eating contest at Flancers in Gilbert. The winner was whoever could down the most slices of pizza in 15 minutes and would walk away with $500. So...why not? Josh and Matt did their best...but didn't place. There was some animals out there...I'm telling you...I have never seen people eat like that before. Jamie and I were quite amused, and it was a new experience. Something I don't think we will be a part of anytime soon...unless it has anything to do with garlic stuffed green olives, right Jamie? Here are "our" champs...with some of the leftovers that didn't make it down the chute... Sunday was also earth day...and although I had every great intention to do something in celebration of this...my intentions never really materialized into anything besides helping Asher color a picture of a river, some trees, a fish and the sun...and having a short conversation about honoring the earth...in which I was mostly just amusing myself and not really doing anything for Asher. In accordance with the truth that "every day is earth day", we DID end up planting some seeds and a sweet broom plant on monday. we watered our plants together... and got our hands in the earth to plant some seeds... and that will do just fine for me! And what have been the most joyous moments of the past four days? i am sure that some slip by me without much notice, but a few that rest in my mind, bringing slight smiles to my face throughout my days are simple, really:

the moments in the mornings where asher discovers journey all over again and climbs over me to get to her in our cluttered bed...pouring love and beauty into her life and showing me exactly what it means to start fresh every day.

our early morning walks down the canals around our house...witnessing the promise of spring by the families of ducks floating by with handfuls of new chicks.

the few minutes just following asher's naps (he's been napping!) where he walks out of his room so quietly, sleepily scouts the room to find me and trying to hide a smile, climbs into my lap and sits in silence with me...nesting his head into my neck...both of us feeling so safe and loved.

these are the moments that bring us back to our natural rhythm and our own sense of "being"...these are the moments that make the most sense to me.

Grandpa GG

I found out this morning that my grandpa has been admitted to the hospital. He has had some heart issues in the past and gave us a scare a few months back when he went to the hospital with symptoms that felt to him like a heart attack. They ran tests on his heart and concluded that it wasn't a heart attack but I don't think they ever offered a concrete explanation towards his symptoms. Last night, I guess he experienced the same thing...and so he had his neighbor take him in. We went to visit him after our gymnastics class this morning and he seems to be doing a lot better...not experiencing the pain that he was last night. They are supposed to do an EKG today and while we were there visiting...one of the doctors informed him that he wanted grandpa to stay there over night because he thinks it might be something different than what they previously thought it to be. I am not sure of the details because I had to leave in a hurry with a very tired toddler and sleeping baby...but I just wanted to write a quick post and share this with the small community of people who visit us here...just a short note of limited information...but nevertheless, he can be lifted up in prayer and sent good energy through collective thoughts and love.

hungry escalator + flip flops = new pair of shoes

Last night...for whatever reason...I was compelled to go to the mall after I picked up Josh from work. I am somewhat intimidated by the mall and I thought that it would be a perfect little family outing, with Josh there to assist with the children. A sweet chance to use the gift card to Forever 21 that I had received for my birthday. We were making our way down the escalator, and like any "normal" person...I always enjoy letting my feet just slide over the exit ramp when riding an escalator. The last little nudge from the machine always is somewhat of a thrill for me...just a little something that says "ok...here ya go...now it is up to you". I don't know why...I just like being pushed over the last hump by something other than my own force. So...as I was doing this...somehow my left flip flop got stuck in the escalator! Josh tried to rescue it but it was too late...all he escaped with was a "piece" of my shoe. The rest was taken to the secret lair of the escalator munchkins. What was left as evidence for all to ponder on as they make their own ways down is the strap that used to be snug in between my first and second toes. Alas...as I stood there in disbelief..."does stuff like this happen to ANYBODY else?"...I spotted a shoe store. So strategically placed. What I normally wouldn't buy on just a whim...I have found a great attraction to. Here they are, my new shoes!

Aren't they cute? As for the the flip flops? My lonely right flip flop found a place among the "stuff" that occupies the back seat of the car...and the left one? I'm only guessing that it has found a haven among all the other lefties that get eaten by the hungry escalators...I know I can't be the only one. Funny thing is, I feel like this has happened to me before, only I can't remember if it actually has. Oh well...I have moved on, and I like my new shoes!

so perfectly imperfect

i'm always inspired by people who have the desire to grow...to reinvent themselves in new and positive ways. i guess that i hold a certain understanding with that...i like to try and feed all of the various "parts" of who i am. just on a completely realistic level, it is entirely too much to take on all of this at once....and so, naturally, various elements of my desires for MORE and for change surface in my life during different seasons. i like to think that it is all a part of our progression...isn't growth a part of what makes us "alive" by definition? so it seems that lately i am focused on my own approach to parenting. what does it mean to be a parent to asher and journey? what are the values i would like to see instilled in them through my own example and life? i keep falling on this intuition of knowing that the conventional ways or more traditional approaches to parenting just don't seem to jive in the mix of our day to day living. there is this thought out there that the children being born into today's world are requiring more from us...they are moving us towards a new thought...a new way of being in this world...towards PEACE. i am convinced of it as well. and while i am totally inspired, determined and motivated to bring a respectful way of rearing these children into our lives on a moment to moment basis...it is in all truth, something that requires a lot of "un" learning on my part. it also requires a certain amount of awareness. am i frustrated? how can i see these children for who they really are, even in their moments of hysteria and meltdowns? what is really going on when he does things that i just asked him not to do? i want to have healthy responses for these kids. i don't want to fall on guilt trips...or manipulation...or threats...or yelling to try and exercise some control OVER them. i want us to honor one another as human beings. these are the moments when i just wish that i had the wisdom of various groups of people at my fingertips...ever ready to provide me with the most wise and gentle solution to whatever circumstance has surfaced with these children that requires from me some instruction and guidance. interesting enough...it of course is not that easy. why would it be? we are left with our own processes...to filter out what doesn't seem right in our understanding of things and to search out, in our own gut, what is true and real. all of this can leave one feeling somewhat overwhelmed...a little insecure....but for me, that just leads to greater willingness. i want to be someone who these children trust with all of their hearts. i want to be someone that they crave to share their lives with. i want to be someone they can fall on in any situation. it was today that i awoke to some interesting realizations with this. i am perfectly imperfect. there is no doubt that in some way or another i will help screw up my children. i will not be everything they need me to be. and it starts from the beginning. today i was trying to read a chapter out of my book "Everyday Blessings"....a treasure of wisdom...and asher really wanted to play dinosaurs. for almost five minutes i kept trying to convince him to play by himself or to read one of his books just like mama was doing. i kept pushing it because i was in dire need of some inspiration and some understanding. it wasn't until he gave up on me...slumped down in a dejected slouch and began to walk away from me with his dinosaurs by his side that i felt the lesson of that moment. here i was...reading about how to be a better parent...trying to gain knowledge about how to respond better to my children's needs in the moment...being reminded of how important it is to be AWARE and conscious of the inner journey taking place...when asher was so wisely just asking me to BE. he didn't want me to read about it. he wanted me to DO it. he wanted me to share time with him....to play. he wanted me to take delight in something that makes his soul smile....that makes his light turn on....and i was asking him to please stop wanting me. how horrible did i feel? i put down my book and walked up to him and said "asher i am so sorry for not listening to you. i really would LOVE to play dinosaurs. would you still like to play?" and you know what the really great thing about asher is...he just lit up...like he would have if i'd jumped at the chance to play with him from the start. there was no resentment. there was no hesitation of whether he should play with me or not. he just handed me the big saur and began growling at me with all the fierceness his great big soul could muster up. and then, i growled right back.

blessed are the peacemakers

In light of all that took place at Virginia Tech today...I am completely overwhelmed, as I am sure many of us are, with complete disbelief. Sometimes I wonder how much time is left before the world erupts in nuclear war. How does all of this happen? How do we move beyond all of this violence and injustice? How is it that a single person carries him or herself into a place of such hatred and numbness? Last night I was up with Josh watching a show on PBS all about the war and the climate in Iraq, Afghanistan and places all over the world...and how terrorism is promised to grow and grow. Last Saturday, Josh got threatened at work...an upset coworker promised to kick his you know what. And today. At least 32 people have died and that number seems to rise every time I check the news. 32 lives! I can't stop thinking about how many peoples' worlds are turned upside down....how many people whose day was just a "normal" day...until all of this happened. One of the students who got shot was interviewed and said that all he could think about while this was going on was his mom. I remember when september 11th happened...I wanted to talk to my mom too. I wonder what or who the gunman was thinking about. I wonder what kind of war was going on in his heart. I wonder how humanity reaches these dark places. Times of war. School shootings. I can't help but think about my children through all of this. I can't help but be slightly stunned with imagining what might be taking place in the world when they are my age. I can't help but feel very, very small. In these moments...I always try to search out ways that I can make a difference. I always remember that story about the little kid throwing starfish back into the ocean. How do I create peace in a world of violence? How can I be a peace troubador? How can I raise my children to be peacemakers? I was in these thoughts today on my way to pick up Josh from work when a car made a quick left turn right in front of me from oncoming traffic. I tried to slam on my brakes and miss him but I hit his rear bumper. I was probably going about 40 mph. He just barely missed the drivers side of the car. He could have hit me, or Journey. Both of my babies were sleeping...they were both so peaceful. We pulled over and got out and he is extremely apologetic. I was upset.... I was relieved and I was so thankful that my babies were ok...that everyone was ok. I could have gone off on this guy. But I didn't. I just wanted peace. I asked him to please think of other people. I told him that I had two babies in the back of my car. I told him that I trusted him, his word and that I would be in contact about the damage (which by the way is practically nothing....just a tiny crack in the grill). I wanted to show him peace...he looked very burdened and sad. I just keep thinking about all of this. And, as I am sure it appears in my writing, I am still thinking...and it is all somewhat hazy. I just know that our own daily actions...the way we interact with others...the way we give love....the way we show compassion. These things matter. I want to raise compassionate beings. I want to be a compassionate being. I want to choose peace. I believe that practicing peace in my life will make a difference and on days like today I am reminded of how important it really is...and I am moved to be better committed to my ideals. It may not change religious fundamentalism and ideologies that come with it...it may not fill the emptiness of the people that have been wounded and driven to the extremes of hatred and abuse...it may not change the ways in which people misuse power through oppression and exploitation...but it does make a difference. It makes a difference to my family. It makes a difference in the way my children perceive the world. It makes a difference to that kid who turned left in front of me today. It makes a difference. And, in John Lennon's famous words "you may say that I'm a dreamer....but I'm not the only one"...people choosing peace are all around us. http://www.emissaryoflight.com/ and http://www.peaceisactive.com/ "Be generous in prosperity and thankful in adversity.Be fair in thy judgment, and guarded in thy speech.Be a lamp unto those who walk in darkness, and a home to the stranger.Be eyes to the blind, and a guiding light unto the feet of the erring.Be a breath of life to the body of humankind, a dew upon the soil of the human heart,and a fruit upon the tree of humility." peace unto you and your beloveds

A couple of introductions...

The new friend in my life.

And some summer pants for little Asher...in all their humbleness and imperfection.... kid tested... ...plenty of "bending" room... ...and reader friendly... Last week I picked out patterns and fabric for my first attempts at sewing a few clothes for the babes. So...after much help from my mom (thanks mom!), plenty of mistakes, Charolotte's Web to keep Asher happy, along with uttering the phrase "oh well...it is my first project" a handful of times...I have completed my first ever sewing project! My inspiration came from SouleMama who made linen pants for her kiddos. Even though I thought it impossible, after making my first pair of pants...I am even more inspired by her talent...that goes for ANYONE who can sew with such ease and grace. But I seemed to have enjoyed the process because I already have my second project lined up...a sweet summer dress for Journey. So, what do you think? Be gentle...I'm just a beginner!

the day where time stood still

if i am ever so inclined to have an all night movie marathon, last night would have been the perfect night to do just that. Why, you ask? Oh, well...that's because I was already up every hour (at least) with one or both of my chilis. Asher was having a very difficult night. My guess is growing pains, or nightmares, or something else entirely different. All I know is that he didn't get any sleep...none of us did. Asher was only in the mood for mama, so I was pulling double duty between nursing Journey and calming sweet Asher. It was a long night and inevitably, it was extremely evident in our demeanor today. It was, in turn, a very...very...very loooooong day and we were stranded at home without a car because Josh had to work. Not that I mind that...it was just on a day like today...it is nice to have an escape plan. So the following is a list of what we occupied our time with today. Most everything can be multiplied by 5 due to the frequency of us doing them: making breakfast throwing all of our breakfast on the floor cause we're NOT in the mood reading books singing songs playing dinosaurs swimming in our play pool taking a very loooooooong walk in the neighborhood blowing bubbles getting caught in the kite string that is strung from one end of the yard to the other pulling every single solitary thing off of the bookshelf nursing bouncing off the walls bouncing on the ball wrestling tickling yelling at the top of our lungs playing with bubbles rolling from front to back AND back to front (yeah Jo-Jo) laying in the sun picnic in our backyard eating "baby eggs" or JELLYBEANS as they are most commonly called having an unsuccessful "quiet time" in our rooms coloring in our saur book woke up Journey EVERY single time she had just fallen to sleep got undressed and redressed no less than 10 times because of our spontaneous urges to run through the play pool with ALL of our dry clothes on folded laundry and then threw it off the couch as soon as they were all in neat piles And guess what? All of this didn't even fill up one day. Not that it usually does...but today it felt like it SHOULD have and it didn't! So, 4:30 rolled around and I have this exchange of words with Asher. "Do you want to go sit in front of the t.v., kill thousands of brain cells and have your imagination leak out of your nose and ear holes?" To which Asher replies with a hippity hop dance in a circle and joyous sing songy excitement... "YESH....I DO...I DO!" And so we did that too. The Backyardigans are invading our living room and at the moment...I really love them. On another note...who visits us here? I am so curious. Growing up my parents had a guest book in our home and whenever someone would come stay with our family...they would sign it and leave some handwritten love. Let's pretend this post is a guest book and if you come share time out of your day here with us...we would love to know about it! How fun to discover who we share a small bit of our lives with. So...if you feel the urge...leave us some love! And...enjoy the rest of this endless day!

brilliant and beautiful

a recent conversation that won't escape my heart

"describe asher to me"

"well..." and words begin seeping out of me before i even feel i have formed them in my mind...

"extremely spirited...wildly passionate...tender and ferocious all at once...assertive...giving...incredibly strong minded...operates at a high frequency...bold...full of love and life...explosive...emotional...intuitive...confident...expressive...authentic...energetically sensitive...endless...brilliant...and...beautiful."

"so, in other words, he has such a HUGE spirit that sometimes he has a real hard time containing it in such a small body"

"why, yes, that is my asher."

what a beautiful composition of words to attribute to this being. he is all of these things and as my arms wrapped around him this evening while he surrendered to the exhaustion of a long day of play in the sun, i attempted to wrap my mind around all that he is...and all that he has experienced in this lifetime...and all that he will become. I suddenly (though not for the first time) felt so honored and humbled in that moment...he chose me. what am i to do with such HUGEness?