tribute to asher

I posted a note to my Asher bug today...but because I had downloaded pictures at my parents' house two days ago and saved it as a draft to be completed this morning...it posted as it would had I written it on the 20th. SO...since I don't have the time to figure out how to fix it, I thought I would leave a note to let you know...TODAY IS ASHER'S BIRTHDAY!!!! He seems to be enjoying the day so far and at this very moment is attempting...very diligently...to blow up a balloon. He woke up early and came into bed with me to snuggle as I sang to him. He knows that the birthday song is something special and I hope he feels his importance throughout the entire day. At this exact time, three years ago, I had already begun the process of pushing this incredible being out. It was a long process...he wasn't born until 10:27am. I know throughout the day I will be reminiscing on what was happening and what I was feeling at the exact time three years ago. He has brought me so much love and so much FULLNESS...and I can't imagine what this world would be like without him in it. Happy Day my sweet happy dragon. (if you want to read my original post to him...scroll down a few, it's there!)

Happy Solstice!

Asher woke up at 5:30 this morning. He decided to rise with the sun...perfect for this day. I knew that it would be a day we would need to fill up...and so, we did. We had an early afternoon date with our friends Alyson, Hayden and Noah. They invited us to a clubhouse in their neighborhood where there is a make shift beach and HUGE wading pool...perfect for the non-swimming types. Journey was introduced to her third solid...you know how it goes...sweet potatoes, mashed banana, and BEACH SAND! She found it to be delectable, and I am afraid we will be seeing the product of her indulgence very, very soon. We came home, took an extremely short nap and finished up crafting the sun pinata that had been in the works for the past day or so. Initially it was just going to be a fun activity for us to do for solstice, but then decided it would be perfect for Asher's little birthday gathering. Now that it is finished, I'm not sure what to do with it! The poor thing isn't very sturdy and I am afraid it will be busted open within two whacks at it. Oh well...we'll just have Asher go first! The best part for the guests is the treasure found inside, right?! See the sun exploding in through the back windows in this picture? It makes me crazy to have it be so hot out that it is actually really UNCOMFORTABLE to be out in the late afternoon. A bit depressing...with all that sun and blue sky. We enjoyed it from the inside for a few moments with cousin Brody while I picked up a few things from my mom and dads. I love seeing these three play together. I've been craving creation around here. I plan to make this a time of making room for new ideas and artistic endeavors. Perhaps this will be a place that I can share some more of that process...since it has been such an inspiration in that realm thus far. In fact, I'll make a declaration...I am starting some new creative adventures and this space is going to reflect that journey, along with my continuing exploration in motherhood, and a bit of my babies growth from my perspective....because of course, it is all interconnected...and all equally important in my own creative expansion...and also something I really like the idea of being documented for my children, so perhaps they can take a glance at it when they are older and know a little bit more about me and my growth during these years.

Enough said....well, maybe a few more things...

Thanks for being here! I like that you visit.

quite the little lady...bug

Just when I thought that my cravings to kiss her had reached their max... ...she decides to grow even more irresistibly sweet! Enjoying our day of sunshine and kisses...and wishing the same for you!

Happy Birthday June Bug!!

Three years ago today, you decided to make your way into this earthly world. It wasn't an easy task. Looking back on your three years, nothing really has been all that easy. In fact, from the very beginning of your existence in this lifetime....from the moment I knew of your presence...there was much to learn and adapt to. Learning with you accounts for the most intense lessons of my life. I never knew a single person could help change and shape me in the ways that you have. Our journey together was unexpected...and yet it was so perfectly designed. From the second I was aware of you...we have been a team. We have faced valleys and climbed mountains together, and I know the learning will only continue. I never knew that I could love so intensely...or that I could fear so deeply...or that I could work so hard for the well being of someone else. You bring me to meet my weaknesses and you trust that I use my strengths, and that trust, little one, is what pushes me to uncover everything I am. I always wonder whether the fierceness of my love for you comes from you being my first born, or if it is just because of who you are...your spirit...the essence that makes you, YOU. You, yourself, are severe. You always have been. You never hold back. I can remember you being on extremes from the tender age of day one. You feel with everything you are and you express it without hesitation. You are so many things to me in this world my sweet boy.

There is so much to know about you...

you are the storm and the stillness that comes after...

and I hope that you always hold space within for everything you are.

A thundering waterfall and a silent spring.

I so admire the creature that you are. And on this blessed day...I honor your spirit...the creation of you. For this world exploded with great possibility three years ago today. You made your way here and brought along a whole lot of magic with you. Thank you for sharing that with me and for teaching me about what it truly means to grow.

I hope that you have a tremendously beautiful day, full of all your favorite things...and that being three feels just the way you hope it would!

I love you Asher.

mama

in the blink of an eye

Asher Drake (one year old and fiercely adorable)

Have I mentioned what a busy month June is here in my family? My goodness. It seems like there is a continuous stream of birthdays, graduations, celebration days, etc...I always know that when the month of June rolls around, it will be gone before I blink. It is just one of those months. And I do love it. It is a time of honoring some very important people in my life...my mama, my grandpa, my husband and my own daddy...and all of that reflecting makes me feel like a very blessed gal. Yes...I am very blessed. We have had so many fun parties and events to attend in the past few weeks. And one very special one we are planning for....Asher's third birthday is on Friday! A few weeks ago I had a talk with him about what kind of party he would like for his birthday. I thought that if he could see some ideas he would be more interested and better grasp the notion of a party and everything that entails, and then perhaps we could have some conversations about it so that he knows what to expect when the day comes for his special gathering. I happened to have a catalog that was FULL of fun party themes and ideas. So I had him flip through the pages. We kept narrowing his favorites down until there was only two left...and what were they, you ask? Well...they just so happened to be BUGS and FLAMINGOS. His final choice ended up being bugs and started sharing the fun news about his "bug potty" with everyone around him. He grew so attached to the paper that featured his choice theme that he went to bed each night with it in hand. He also slept with the flamingo ("nino") page, and still is, because it is the only one that has survived the treacherous journey of his obsessive inclinations. I do love that boy. I love his loyalty. So we are starting to create and think up some fun ideas for his day....all in hopes that he grasps a tiny bit of what a truly remarkable person he is as he turns three. I love that his birthday falls around the summer solstice (he was born on the longest day of the year, and oh how fitting that was for his birth) because it so perfectly fits with change and letting things go. He will only grow older...and I will continuously have to "let go" of the baby that he is and accept more of who he is becoming. The only thing that doesn't change is that I am constantly in amazement of his being. It is proving to be quite a month....of reflection, of letting go, of feeling blessed, of starting new creative patterns, of moving forward with greater passion and of realizing the importance of change. What kind of month have you been having?

on the mend

Flower child Journey

reflecting our good spirits.

Yep...things are looking brighter around here the past few days. We all seem to be on the road to recovery and it has been a smooth ride since Sunday... and no one is happier about that than me. My throat is much better and I am looking forward to some slow and easy days with my babes. Unplugged, that is. We are holding our own tv turnoff week starting yesterday. We usually don't indulge too much anyway, but total elimination seems just the right thing to do after a week of sickness. I also just finished reading a chapter on the subject of TV in one of my simple living books, and am reminded that there is ALWAYS room for improvement in this area! It seems to go along with some of the mental and emotional processing I have had from this week of detoxing. Shifting down, eliminating, focusing...doing without. I've been working on a list of ideas to simplify and help align our family with these values. Perhaps I will share more when the moment is right.

Other than that...just doing a lot of loving and re-centering.

enjoy your day!

Herpangina

Lovely name, isn't it? Before your mind starts wandering too far...it probably isn't what you think it is. Or, if you were thinking herp meaning "pain" and gina meaning "mouth"...than maybe it is what you think. Whatever it is...I had it. I ended up going to Urgent Care late Friday night because I was thinking it was getting ridiculously painful for any kind of "normal" sore throat. I had tried everything under the sun to alleviate some of the pain and NOTHING was taking the edge off. I thought I had strep and that maybe there was something that could help dissolve the misery....just a little? But, alas, there isn't. It is a virus...not the herpes virus mind you, although the name implies it...but something else entirely different. A virus that comes into the cells that make up the tissue lining your throat and starts reproducing so quickly that it causes the cells to explode...leaving the nerve endings in your throat "flapping in the breeze" and causing one the "worst sore throat they will ever have in their life". No kidding. It is also often accompanied by a fever, lack of appetite and headache...and sometimes diarrhea and nausea (ummmmm yes, yes, yes, yes and yes...I had them all). Anyway....ulcerations form around your throat and the roof of your mouth causing an UNBELIEVABLE amount of pain if you want to carry out any function requiring the use of your throat. She also told me that it could last up to 14 days! Say, what??? No thank you. I think I'll be done by then. She said that the worst days are the 3rd and 4th and then your antibodies start kicking in and the throat begins to heal over. Today my throat was in an incredible amount of pain...which means it felt better than yesterday! So...things are looking good! There ya have it, if you even wanted it?! I thought it was all kind of interesting. No wonder I feel like there are a gazillion cuts in my throat....there are! I would wish this upon NO ONE. Especially the rest of my contaminated family who hasn't yet come down with it. Oh the babies...that would be so NOT good. The doc said a lot of times babies will get hospitalized from dehydration because it is too painful for them to drink any liquids. So...we're wrapping them in our hopes and love...and Josh is convincing himself that he had this as a child and is already immune! Mind over matter. On another note...but still related to mouth pain....Journey cut her first TWO teeth this week! She has two tiny little bottom stubs and she has been such a trooper about the whole thing. She really is changing so quickly. I looked at her today and just thought she looked so different. So...that is life in our herpanginal world. Thanks for all of it, herpanginal girl (that would be YOU, Cory)....I owe ya one! :)

a long strange trip

If you were to visit my home, and if I were to pour you a cup of tea in my kitchen, you might see the remnants of several things that would lead you to a conclusion about what we have been filling our lives with over the past four days or so. Some homeopathic pulsatilla, some optique eye drops, some medicated eye drops, some chamomile tea bags used as compresses (after of course they were used to brew some tea), a pot with one boiled potato (the rest were put in a cotton sock and mashed to make a drawing poultice), some garlic, some mullein-garlic ear drops, a collection of Popsicle sticks waiting to be crafted into something spectacular, some Epsom salt, lemon juice and...let's not leave out the bottle of Tylenol for my sore throat. Yes....that is there too. I'm telling you, this is one HELL of a sore throat. That is right. Our immune systems are once again being strengthened at this casa. Journey came down with pink eye...we ended up taking her into the doc after exhausting all of my home remedies and witnessing the increase in the "stuff" seeping out of her eyes. I never had pink eye growing up....how is it that my little one...only six months old has it? I am convinced this is what Asher had earlier and that Journey was holding onto the virus up until Monday night when I wore her in the sling while I made dinner. On the menu that night was pasta with a LOT of onion and a LOT of garlic and a few other things. The two main ingredients were onions and garlic...both of which have components that "draw out" toxins. I am sure that is why the next morning she woke up with a crusty eye. And me, I woke up with a sore throat. Which, after our long neighborhood walk on Tuesday night in which I stirred up everything being held in MY body with some good ole blood circulation, had become a really bad sore throat. By the end of our walk my throat was significantly worse and within a half hour of getting home my body just became the resting place to every muscle ache and joint pain imaginable. I also started feeling like I was FREEZING...hello flu, welcome to my body, I hope you enjoy your stay. So we have been nursing ourselves back to health and have been enjoying the fact that Josh has been at home for the past two days to keep all the small humans in our home safe and well cared for. He also managed to do things like bring me water when I asked for it or another popsicle or some more juice, please? Asher has been walking the line all week. Is he sick? Is he ok? He had a short lived low grade fever and seems to be doing just fine now, aside from the fact that he is TOTALLY whacked out by this mama being sick, daddy is at home thing. He is greatly aware of change....and he feels the inconsistency with his whole self. So, not only have I felt totally helpless when my toddler is crying out for me and my husband so obviously needs some help but my body won't allow me to make a single move...but NOW...I can't even talk. Today, the place where my body needs to manifest the flu is in my throat. I feel like everything is detoxing through that one area. I am telling you. This is no ordinary sore throat. It is like I accidentally swallowed a gazillion fragments of glass that were ground up into powder form, and while en route to the esophagus, got lodged into every inch of my throat and the entire surrounding area. And not only are they not budging, but they cut deeper with each and every swallow, or cough, or spoken word. Basically, it is so painful that I am actually reminiscing about yesterday when I had the body aches and chills. That sounds so much more pleasant. Ok, enough of the griping. I just wanted to catch you all up on all the excitement going down over here. And really I just wanted a voice. I have been carrying around a little tablet and pen to write out my thoughts to Josh when they are required. You know...things like "I feel so miserable" and "you need to ask him first before you cut his sandwich in half!" after Asher went into hysteria from his "BIG" sandwich being turned into two medium sized sandwiches. Not cool Josh, not cool. (you know I love you babe!) What I really thought I might mention which is somewhat interesting to me, is this; The week prior to this imbalance materializing as sickness in our house...I was sitting with a lot of restlessness within myself. For various reasons, I had been focusing on different ways I feel stifled or unable to express myself. It all resonated with me on a creative level....like there is so much more going on in me than I allow to be expressed creatively. So...the interesting part is that tonight I was looking up different probable causes or thought patterns that can trigger dis-ease in our bodies. When I read the probable cause for throat problems,I read, among other things, the words "stifled creativity", and "feeling unable to express oneself". Pretty crazy, huh? So...in efforts to create a new thought pattern for myself and to avoid another behemoth of a sore throat, I share with you, my new mantra. "I release all restrictions and I am free to be me. I express myself freely and joyously. It is okay to make noise. I speak up for myself with ease. I express my creativity. I am willing to change." oh yes....and I now never underestimate the power of the onion! :) What about you? What new thought patterns might bring greater health and healing into your life?

a round of thanks

I just wanted to give a big thanks to all of you guys who come here and visit us. Especially to those of you who leave behind a little love in the comment sections. I always find some kind of encouragement or motivation or just plain kindness in what you have to say. So...thank you! It is always a joy for me to read a little about your thoughts or your take on things. Blogging has been such a cool little part of my rhythm for the past few months. I really enjoy coming here and regurgitating bits of my heart! Sounds lovely, I know, but it really is healing and affirming to me. It has also rekindled a romance between me and writing and has given me bits of motivation to move about my day with greater creative intention . I have really enjoyed revisiting that part of my self and I have been so encouraged by your feedback. So encouraged, in fact, that I recently submitted a piece to a fellow blogger who was holding a contest last week. If you haven't visited Mommyblog yet...you really should, if for nothing more than to enjoy her always funny recounts of the days events with her cuter than cute son! I love my visits there. So, last week she was holding a "Living the Dream" contest where she invited us to write about our various mommy moments that stick out in our hearts. After I read her invitation I couldn't help but respond. I began writing and just couldn't stop! She picked my submission as one of the winners of her contest! Yippeee! So if you are at all interested, you can find my submission here! Now tell me, how do you encourage your creative juices to flow?

round radiance

May the things we begin be brought to completion in all their creativity, love and FULLNESS.