My attempts at obtaining order failed. Because really, is that even possible? Even if I did clear out all the weeds in my backyard (which, I did not...but there are two very large piles of weeds and two very small measures of yard cleared)...there is still disorder all around me. It is life. It is living. It is inevitable.
It is the way the dog runs inside and drags out my entire stash of tampons, one by one, tearing them up all over the yard as I pick away at the weeds. It is the way I discover that while I have been diligent at work outside, my son has been INSIDE pounding away at the window with a wrench. You know, because I am the kind of mom that leaves wrenches lying around the house for fun. It is also the way that I find my daughter who has climbed up on the kitchen table and is enjoying the last sip of my cold morning coffee. I realize that she has downed the entire cup that I forgot to drink and that, miraculously, little has made it on the floor or the table. I contemplate whether or not that is such a great thing...my one year old daughter hopped up on caffeine. It is the way I spent two hours approaching one weed at a time only to look up at the end of that two hours to see that my yard looks little different than when I began.
All of this is what "order" is. All of this is what I stroked up against as I attempted to get control of things. It is the greatest of lessons, really. Order is unobtainable. Order is disorder.
I am beginning to understand that although I may find myself somewhere I never thought I would be...it is exactly where I am supposed to be. Because, this path is the point...the chaos is the stillness...the effort is the magic.
No matter what kind of day I may be having, the birds continue to sing in the neighboring trees. Flowers are still opening further and blooming brighter. The Earth is still turning and shifting in season. There is order all around me. It is in the life of the moment and the inevitable dis-order we call change.