My attempts at obtaining order failed. Because really, is that even possible? Even if I did clear out all the weeds in my backyard (which, I did not...but there are two very large piles of weeds and two very small measures of yard cleared)...there is still disorder all around me. It is life. It is living. It is inevitable. It is the way the dog runs inside and drags out my entire stash of tampons, one by one, tearing them up all over the yard as I pick away at the weeds. It is the way I discover that while I have been diligent at work outside, my son has been INSIDE pounding away at the window with a wrench. You know, because I am the kind of mom that leaves wrenches lying around the house for fun. It is also the way that I find my daughter who has climbed up on the kitchen table and is enjoying the last sip of my cold morning coffee. I realize that she has downed the entire cup that I forgot to drink and that, miraculously, little has made it on the floor or the table. I contemplate whether or not that is such a great thing...my one year old daughter hopped up on caffeine. It is the way I spent two hours approaching one weed at a time only to look up at the end of that two hours to see that my yard looks little different than when I began.
All of this is what "order" is. All of this is what I stroked up against as I attempted to get control of things. It is the greatest of lessons, really. Order is unobtainable. Order is disorder.
I am beginning to understand that although I may find myself somewhere I never thought I would be...it is exactly where I am supposed to be. Because, this path is the point...the chaos is the stillness...the effort is the magic.
No matter what kind of day I may be having, the birds continue to sing in the neighboring trees. Flowers are still opening further and blooming brighter. The Earth is still turning and shifting in season. There is order all around me. It is in the life of the moment and the inevitable dis-order we call change.
Happy Easter! Happy Spring!
12 comments:
I love your Easter Egg tree! And I hear you girl, I hear you.
Your humor is beautiful Jess.
beautiful, jessamyn...and amen....life goes on....and doesn't seem to stop for us to get our "stuff" in order.....so we too, just need to keep on keeping on.....and enjoy all it has to offer. :) love all the lovlies!
You make me smile. I am happy you found peace with your day and place! Love you girl, Happy Easter!
I love this post. Maybe next week you can get lost in the secret jungle!:)
Oh Jessamyn,
Thank you ... for your humorous honesty. Your words are so lovely and ring of truth (and profound too!!!) Speaking of being a talented writer....!
Thank you, friend, for your encouragement. I will check out that book perhaps this summer. You know ... I'm trying that whole be realistic with your limitations thing .... I don't like it.
Anyway, just wanted to stop by and let you know that your post is so lovely and chalk-full of wisdom. Thanks for sharing with boldness and allowing us to get to know deeper parts of YOU!
So funny!! I can see those cotton balls blowing in the wind! I meant to clean house yesterday but didn't get around to it. So I wrote "I love you" in the dust! I'm wondering if we are going to see a hung over little girl today?
Funny how sometimes you read something and it just happens to be exactly what you needed to read! All we can do is keep on plugging along and being thankful for the chaos, because without chaos what do we have really?
PS Your writing never ceases to amaze me and I find myself coming to your blog for my daily dose of inspiration. Thanks for that. As a fellow blogger I know how important comments are...so I will try to comment more. :)
~Jac (Cory's sister in law)
I had to laugh at your dog's antics and your daughter's first cup of coffee. Even the best intentions to bring order to your life and surroundings often go awry--as you said, that disorder is just life!
Life just happens, doesn't it? The chaos and movement and order and disorder, and all of it asks us to say yes, if we dare.
How often I have thought, "If I can just get this done, finished, complete, then. . ." Then what? Everything will be calm? Hardly. :)
Better to live in the life that is here, now.
thank-you.
i love the order in the disorder and have noticed that when i stop trying so hard, stop thinking about it so much, it seems to happen more easily, all of it ...
Sometimes one weed is just one weed.
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