3.06.2008

Love Thursday and 30 Days::Day 16

This little one loves her some milk. It is nearly the only thing that will satisfy her on many occasions throughout the day. It works for us, as I am the kind of mama that understands the need of having that safe place to calm and comfort oneself. It provides a bit of a sanctuary for me as well, if I allow it to. Calm,soft, loving comfort.
A few nights ago, Asher woke up with a startling cry...causing Journey to join him in unison. After scooping Journey into my arms, I turned to Asher and saw that he was grabbing his leg with intensity...a sure sign of the growing pains that plagued me as a small child. I quietly slipped in bed next to him, gathering Journey against my chest and allowing her to calm and nurse...while I began massaging the pain of growth away from his joints...calming his aching muscles as they stretched and pulled. He immediately calmed as well...and both babes were off and dreaming before long.
I laid awake for a while, thinking about this. Thinking about how, as a human being, there is such comfort in touch and safety in knowing that someone will help bring us into this place of relaxing into our trust that all will be well. That aching for someone to love us in just the right way...for there to be an understanding outside of ourselves of what we need and desire...and for that source to deliver us our longing to be loved. I sat there as mama...with my hand on the aching of one child and with my nourishment in the belly of another, exerting myself to be the provider for them at that moment.
Then, unexpectedly, the thoughts turned toward my own aching. I started feeling my own reaching and wanting for that perfect love. And, of course, just as I always do...I started hearing the words that I am continuously encountering. It isn't found outside of myself. It is found within.
I can learn to love myself just as I need to be loved.
And then I had a really wonderful conversation with that inner voice...from that sacred place...and my aches were calmed and comforted...soothed and nursed...held and touched.
It is one of my greatest hopes to see myself more clearly through eyes of understanding and love. It is an even greater hope to take that lesson and teach it to my children. Not only by creating this ambiance of safety in their young lives and by somehow giving space for them to dip in and out of it enough times to know what it is...to taste it and feel it and hear it and KNOW that it is love. But, I also hope to provide opportunity for them to access that inner power and learn to engage them (and myself) in the practice of kindness...kindness to others and kindness to self. Perhaps then we will begin to know a self love that never disappoints, always shows up, and moves us into true comfort.

10 comments:

Debbie said...

Once again, amazingly beautiful words from you. You are a source of such inspiration. Your wonderful view of the world, of mothering, of just being you gives me room to think. You make me pause and realize what is truly and naturally important to me. You are one huge blessing in my life and the lives of my children. Thank you for being courageous enough to be YOU!

Susan Barnes said...

Jess,

Thank you lovely one for your words and stories. What a beautiful moment you allowed us to share!! I really appreciated the way you articulated the aches, the seeking, the finding, the place of peace, of love. I really believe that if each person in this world believed that they had a place where they could go, be known, be held, be loved, and just be ... earth would become heaven.

Nonnie said...

reading something jamie wrote talked about the need to teach a child compassion, self respect and self love (among other things).....and when i read it......i thought, such important things.....that inner strength, where we can go and find what it is that we need so we can cope with whatever we are going through.

i remember well your growing pains.....made you very sympathetic i'm sure1 :)

cassie said...

last night during yoga, we reached back into the beautiful "child's pose". my instructor starting talking about the importance for us to recognize the child within us...with all of us...the longing to be loved and accepted no matter what. my instructors also talk about giving into the "hug of gravity" and seeking what is beyond us through the inner eye. in my pose last night, i finally felt that because i thought of hugging mom. i thought that there is never any judgement from her when she hugs me...never any "being", i just give into it and enjoy it and relax in it. ahhh to be a mommy and provide that solace for a young being. beautiful writing jess.

Brittni said...

I love those words "If everyone believed....earth would become heaven." It is so easy to neglect the love that YOU deserve. It is hard for me to find this love but lately have realized that this is where true happiness comes from. Jess this post warmed my heart. It is truly important to teach our little ones to love themselves! I loved the words and the envision it gave me of your night. No complaints about being tired because you were awaken, just enjoying the moment of being needed and sharing that love with to little needing souls. You are such a good mama!

Kirsten Michelle said...

oh, i miss those days SO MUCH!!!
thank you for this wonderful photo and these wise and beautiful and loving words.
in love and light,
xo
k

I AM said...

so beautiful, so wise

Kacy said...

Jess
As always, your posts give me more to think about than I ever realize. I love reading your beautiful words and in turn, try and apply them to my life. you have so much to offer, so much to teach others. Thank you gor inspiring me to be a better mama and a better person! Love ya1

bella said...

This undoes me.
You write with such eloquence.
Becoming a mother was powerful for me, in just this way you speak of. To find within myself that capacity to nurture and soothe and love, and then come to see I could offer it to myself as well. Well, it changes everything.
You have spoken what I have felt and yet not had words for.

amanda said...

Thank you so much for these beautiful, inspiring words!