4.07.2008

instinct

"It occurs to me that you don't often get to witness growth and change. I respect the instincts of a molting lobster, hiding out while it is raw and vulnerable until it becomes tough and resilient once again."
~Joan Anderson, A Year by the Sea
she opens one eye at a time to limit the amount of sunlight rushing into her vision
it could be quite blinding and she has acclimated to the shadows
not wanting to see too much, for fear of overwhelm and piercing loss
she has been hibernating
building up walls that promise protection
in order for her to take a breath
but someone, somewhere, has always been trying to pull her out
with guilt and threat and misunderstanding
putting a timeline on healing, on shedding, on changing
she knows now that enough time has passed
and sometimes time is not what heals
sometimes it takes courage to wake up to the sun
even if it is only one tiny glance at a time
she moves out into each bright moment
touching on the thoughts that say
"wait...you aren't ready, it's too fast, it's too bright"
she wants to hunker down in the dark again
that is where stillness lingers long enough for her to taste mystery and divinity
she doesn't know if she can carry that with her into life in the open
she wonders if she really knows herself
and if she can carry on without having her walls, her protection, her shadows of safety
only in answering the invitation will she know the answers
and so she moves to where she knows she must go
and she does so with courage in her heart...on her sleeve...out in the wide open air
she breathes

13 comments:

Debbie said...

So pure, so honest, so..so...so beautiful. Love you....

Jme said...

I certainly know that being "out there"...taking steps forward...trying to leave things behind...takes courage & strength. I know that you have that in you...do you? :)
We all have "shit" in life. Most often it takes massive strength, relentless courage, and the pure desire of wanting "more" in order to get muddle our way through it. It's just all about taking steps...no matter how big or small they are.If we want it bad enough...we find a way through! Love you ma sizzle! :)

hope I didn't offend anyone with the slang...sometimes nicer words just don't convey the force of how you want to say it! :)

Maggie Ann. said...

this is divinity. and it caused a deep sense of recognition in me. thank you for sharing it. so much love.

Nonnie said...

and out in the open air is the only place you can fly.....and soar.
love your words...again...and i too, know it's there.

Gillian said...

found you via Maddie ;D
Love the name of your blog!
Love this post.
It is sooo about having courage.
You write wonderfully. (and those photographs are stupendous too)
xo

Elizabeth said...

beautiful words and beautiful photographs jessamyn

daisies said...

this is so incredibly beautiful, i let your words wash over me ... xo

The Tils Family said...

Jessamyn you are such a beautiful writer and your photographs are amazing.Hope all is well.

mb said...

this really speaks to me. deeply.

love
m

PixieDust said...

breathing deeply of this beauty that is YOU - so very beautiful...

:-)

(((HUGS))),
Love,
me

Karen said...

You don't have to know how to carry it; it never leaves you; light within darkness and darkness within light.

You spin a beautiful cloth of indescribable color.

bella said...

This is breathtaking.
So often do I come here and feel my own story mirrored back to me.
You have woven words, feelings, images, ancient knowing, into a tapestry of beauty, of poetry.
You are not alone here. And your courage stirs my own.

jouette said...

beautiful. i feel like i'm stepping out into the light too. and sometimes i wonder what the heck i was so afraid of. thank you for your wonderful writing.