Yesterday was my 27th Birthday. I've been walking along for 27 years now (well, I suppose maybe for 26 and 3/4 of it I was actually WALKING). I've been thinking a lot about that journey. I was thinking about it when I woke up yesterday morning...thinking of when I woke up to life and said yes to moving into this realm of existence by fervently trying to come butt first. It was "backwards", it was "wrong", it wasn't the easiest way for me to be born. And so, I was pulled out from my mama's womb from the incision they made in her skin...it must have been hard for both of us. My mom called yesterday, wanting to tell me how happy she is that I was born to her, to this family. And I thanked her for birthing me, for giving me life and I pondered that no matter how we are born...the most important thing is that we took the plunge and gave it a try...and that our journey here is what we needed it to be. I've been thinking about where I have walked and how I find myself in this place. This place with two little ones who have gifted me with a dodge convertible hot wheel that they picked out at the grocery store on their voyage to find me flowers and coffee and breakfast. This place where a card with a tree frog on the front giving it's readers the "high five" delights me just as much as it did my little boy...because we connect like that. I realize what makes him happy is what he deeply believes will make me happy...and he is so right on about that. He gets it. This place where taking a shower is a beautiful gift of time, where sleeping in until 8:30 sends my body into a confusing response of hungover illusion, a place where I make my way with big effort, deep contemplation and a mix of opening up and holding on. I went with my sister Cory to see Elizabeth Gilbert (author of Eat, Pray, Love) speak to an audience on Friday night. It was so cozy, so personable, so delightful to be in her company. She was brilliantly funny and held subtle wisdom in her expressions. She was connective and there were several strong moments of her words reaching into my soul, urging me along, convincing me of my power and love and for the NEED to open up to that creative force that keeps beckoning me and whispering in my ear. Sometimes it isn't so much a whisper but something a bit more forceful and loud...something I have been trying to shut out of my life for quite a while now. I am processing a few of her words that really hung around afterwards in my heart...the ones that made me look around and say "here i am...this is me...this really is lovely and real and and and...i just as well better surrender". I love that energy. I love that accepting kind of force less process where I come into understanding and where my life begins to feel like my own again. I don't know how it got to a point where it HASN'T felt like it was my own...but that isn't the important part. The important part is knowing what I know and not knowing what I don't know. That is important. It's all a process. My life, this 27 year old life, has been a process and will continue to be one until the last breath...and I find so much comfort in realizing that there is no real destination...only further growing and loving and living and letting go. There is a whole lot of beautiful space in that. So much.