6.01.2009

reclaiming.

so. i have been really trying to make things happen around here. i have all of these little projects in my mind for our space. a photo placed here. some paint over here. a little decoupage on this. some lights hung over that. except. none of it has seemed to be actually, um, happening. because there are piles. and i really mean PILES of laundry to be done. there are loads of dishes to be washed. there are naked children to dry off from splashing in the kiddy pool outside. there is said pool to be drained. and there is that cat who runs outside when draining that pool...and he makes this mama all nervous when he goes out, because, you know...he might not show up again for three days. he has a short history of doing that, and i don't want to make it a habit. he actually did leave the yard this morning though...and i just had to let the anxiety go. after i did that, whaddya know? he showed up at the back door, choosing the air conditioned sanctuary over the call of his wild. but i didn't really come on here to talk about my cat. i wanted to talk about today. about how i woke up this morning with those same longings of creating something, anything...just getting to a place of feeling like i had made life a little bit more beautiful around here. immediately upon rising, i tripped my way through the mountain of laundry on our bedroom floor (clean laundry that needed to be folded) in order to make it to the kitchen where i was being hungered for by two near STARVING children pleading for some relief in the form of chocolate milk. and i knew my day had begun. and i was swirling around my discontent over my time being everyone elses at the same time i stirred the sugar into my children's breakfast. i then caught that little girl scream from within. and i remembered some tools that i have acquired in listening to her and holding her and helping her needs be met. and i said to myself. this is YOUR life jessamyn. this is YOUR day. how do you want to spend it? and i walked through my day with that in mind. sure, i still had the same responsibilities that i have had. i still knew that there would be many mishaps throughout our day. i was still very certain that i wouldn't get each and every thing on my to do list accomplished. but i recovered my power...and that was all that mattered, really. and the day actually kind of flowed from that point on in a noticeable way. i decided to make myself a playlist on the computer in the bedroom that was keeping all of those clean clothes on the floor that were soon to be dirtied from everyone stepping on them over and over again. and i had so much fun constructing this confetti list of music i love to listen to. and i began my folding. and i didn't get through it until the far end of the day because of how many times i decided to leave it and come back. but the music played all day long. and the children decided to play hide and seek with each other...without ARGUING and without being prompted by me (such a fun stage they are entering with all of that). and journey took this fantastic 2 hour nap. and while she napped, asher wanted to show me all of the "museums" he constructed in his room and listening to him nearly brought me to tears because he is so freaking full of passion, it kills me. and then. then when i told him i needed to get back to nurturing our home, he asked if he could help. and he really wanted to help in a really authentic way. and it was awesome to hear that...i didn't even know where to guide him at first! all that to say. i noticed that once i drew back my power and remembered that this is my one wild and beautiful life...i was opened up to possibility. i put on a comfy hippie dress. i let that dread forming in the back of my hair just stay there. i dyed my duvet cover. i framed some art and photos and hung them. i put up some large colorful vases in my kitchen. i turned up the music and turned on the paper lanterns. i played with my camera and drank a LOT of coffee. i sat with my children as they practiced cutting with scissors, and then we pasted and colored. and we spent time with the bugs outside, and read 1/2 of our library books on sharks. the day had a positive current and i totally chalk it up to that moment of realizing that i can create it in any way that i want...even when there is a lot to do and a mountain of laundry and a couple of beautiful, curious souls wanting everything all at once. oh! and that mountain of laundry got it's bootie whooped.

8 comments:

Hayley Egan said...

I know exactly what you are talking about... How awesome. X

Maggie Ann. said...

this was an amazing post to wake up to this morning. i was feeling a bit grumpy, as our landlord still hasn't turned our A/C on and this mama to be is getting uncomfortable in the missouri heat...
but this reminder that this is my day no matter what has given me hope that i can make it however i want it to be!
so much love to you jessamyn. you inspire me so!

daisies said...

:-) you created a perfectly lovely day and you so have the power to do that most days i think, beautiful you, xoxox

Cory said...

ohhhh I really needed to read this today. On my second cup of coffee and feeling a bit grumpy too with the thought that my day off is already planned for me with scheduled appointment and such. Wanting to spend a little time for myself this morning browsing through blogs and such befor the day begins.... yet a little certain someone has other plans for me (beside the already scheduled things to be done). Grrrrrr.....

kimberly said...

beautiful post, sass......brought tears.....knowing this constant tug in so many directions....and your knowing the needs of those little passionate souls...and making it work....for everyone....it's a juggling act...and something, i do believe, we are able to make our own....with flexability in mind.
i listened to a program of dr.wayne dyer last night....we are able to do so much just with recognizing our thoughts and taking back the power to make it what we desire.
love that your day was so rewarding.....in your own way!
xoxoxo

Cam@Journey Wildly said...

Way to reclaim your day, Jessamyn!

Sometimes I get in such a funk, and I have to step back and shout at my funky self, "C'mon! Let's have some fun! You're bringing me down, man!" It works for me most days.

I am glad your day began to flow the way it did. Sounds like it needed a turn around! I know those feelings of the overwhelm, and the need to shout, I'm only one person!

Jamie said...

there's so much i want to say about this post, but don't have all the words. it made me smile and most of all the last photo made me smile because it was kind of like a sassy,"ya ~I did it", journey-like "hmmph!" :)

latisha said...

such a common uncomfortable theme for moms lately (i think the summer has something do to with it) but you've celebrated it with such grace and perfection.

thank you for the reminder.