5.19.2008

surviving

chocolate-dripped-kisses for all your thoughts and love

Forrest is a fighter. He is still fighting. I don't know the exact nature of the virus, but to me it seems he has made it through the worst of it. Each day I have been hoping for the best...but Thursday really was the day I thought he would be leaving this place, and I was a bit hopeless. He hung in there and has s.l.o.w.l.y been gaining strength ever since. This morning, he even jumped up on my legs when I went to greet him with some water. It is the first day throughout all of this that I feel slight confidence in his survival. I believe he is a survivor.

It was certainly an exhausting few days for both of us (mostly him, I am sure) but also for me. It was tough in that I felt the weight of it in my heart and mind and the energy of death was very real and prevalent within our home. We were breathing it in and I was acutely aware of the fact that I may walk in to care for him only to find a lifeless body on the floor. It hasn't happened that way and it has really taught me so much of the co-existence of life and death and how sometimes, the notion of death breads fuller life. Forrest and I have developed a kinship through this and the experience has taught me so much thus far. I've learned, through an unfortunate experience with an unkind veterinarian, about the importance of living and working with compassion. The art of kindness turns worlds around by creating safety and shelter. There are certain people who make it their priority to bring out the best in people and situations. This only serves to better this planet and the individual experiences of all of us who inhabit it. My heart was taken to new levels of understanding the urgency and the hunger for revolutions in kindness. It makes every bit of difference between feeling alone and scared OR surrounded and supported. Forrest has been surrounded with love and I have been supported through the trial of caring for such declining health.

These past few days have brought a lot of mindfulness for me. I would reach to turn on the porch light outside when night fell, something I habitually do for Forrest in the evening...only to remind myself that he isn't out there. I would feel sadness for a split second and then remember that he is down the hall in a cozy space, resting his healing body. I found myself sad at the fact that we could leave our toys scattered all over the yard, knowing that Forrest wouldn't rip them apart. I would much rather him feel like himself than not. It is funny how we think of what we would miss and how things might change without the presence of a life we have grown accustomed to and loved. There were a lot of lingering empty spaces with thought of him not pulling through.

It is with a lighter heart that I write a sincere thank you for all your kind words and support. These little lives sure do take up a whole lot of space in our hearts, don't they? We are very slowly graduating towards a bit of consistency and, in turn, experiencing more of our natural rhythm. For some reason it feels like we have been somewhat debilitated and it is going to take a few days to get some kick in our step again. Resting in the solidity of each other's love sounds like a great plan to me at the moment..

A big hearty thank you for all the ways you have shown you care!

13 comments:

Sara said...

so so happy for the good news update, he is a fighter cause your precious family is worth putting up a fight for...and i would take a chocolate kiss any day from that cute babe...hugs

Debbie said...

What wonderful good news for the day! I am so thankful for you to know how many love and support your entire adorable family. May you find your rhythm slowly but steadily over the next few days. Our prayers and thoughts will continue with you until he is bouncing around like normal :) Much love to you all...

Jme said...

I can't tell you how happy I've been the last couple of days to hear that "he's lifting his head up"..."he's lapping up water"..."he's wagging his tail"...all things that on a normal day are just ordinary things, but today...they are signs of life ~ something we've all been hoping for for Forrest. He's such a lovebug and I'm so grateful that it looks like he will be a part of our family for a bit longer.
I will never take his little life and existence with us for granted again. :)

Elizabeth said...

yay for Forrest! keep it up little guy...

Mommy to a Tater Tot said...

SO glad he is doing better. Tatum and I pray for him nightly. Poor little guy. I truly believe the caretaker whether it is a nurse or family member can really make or break the way someone responds to disease. You truly are a caring and unique soul and I am sure thats why everyone loves you so much!

Nonnie said...

yes....he acts even a little "spunky" today....and a lot of life in his little seeking eyes...mostly seeking if i was bringing him more water :)
so happy to see him with a spark!

The Kalcichs said...

Jess, I just got caught up on your blog. I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you. I hope Forrest keeps fighting and pulling through. You are a fighter, too! I love the picture of Journey.

velvet brick said...

Ok..I'm a big mush melon here...I am fighting back tears and a choked-up feeling at the news that Forrest is doing better!! Don't ask me why...but I have been worried about this little guy all weekend and your blog was the first one I visited after getting home from school (I teach)to see if there was any news on the little guy! Yeah! for your wonderful nursing of this sweet pup and for all the prayers sent on his behalf! Let's all continue the fight for Forrest! Blessings
VB

S. Barnes said...

YAAAAAAY! I loved Velvet Brick's comment, "Ok..I'm a big mush melon here...I am fighting back tears and a choked-up feeling at the news that Forrest is doing better!!" That's me too. So happy. Keep fighting Forrest!!!

cassie said...

i've been getting updates from mom on a regular basis, but so glad to hear that you think he is doing better too. what a joy!!!!

Annette said...

horayyyyyy, I called in sick from work when my dog had this, and the bond we have is so great, he'll remember....I'm so happy for you, it's mentally tiring when something like happens, but God does heal!!!
I love the picture.....
Annette

bella said...

reading this, so many yeses come to find me.
Death and life co-existing, always intertwined.
Kindness really truly mattering.
The space these creatures occupy in our hearts and lives, teaching us of love.
you blow me away.

Mandy said...

Oh happy news!! What an emotional journey. Hope day by day that little pup gets better:O)
Hugs
Mandy