Despite my genuine desire to hop on this blog as a small piece in my own daily rituals...it doesn't seem to be happening to the degree I dream of. There is some serious consideration going on here about the need to upgrade to high-speed Internet...one of the reasons that I procrastinate in posting...I just can't (and have a pretty steep dislike towards) waiting 10 minutes to upload one photo...can ya blame me?! That, plus the fact that the computer is in our room...which just so happens to be the baby's room as well...and well, that doesn't make up for an ideal situation when the perfect time to write is late at night, when both babes are sleeping...and my efforts towards keeping her asleep far outweigh the ones in which I sit and type.
But...here I am today, because I just really wanted to get on here and also because I have one sleeping babe who is OUT. Out in the beyond- waking-due-to-the-sound-of-typing kind of way. And another babe who is abnormally lethargic due to some tummy aches...who is more than willing to give me a few moments on the computer while he watches a little PBS. And all of that will probably change within a matter of moments...so let me just say what I came here to say! (good idea).
THIS boy. Oh my. There is so much that I want to say about him right now. Is it because of the way in which he has recently changed his naming of me from "mama" to "babe"...as in "c'mon babe let's go" or "no babe...don't want it"? Is it the way in which he guides and protects Jo-Jo from doing the same exact things that he loves to do...like "no no nourney...no climbing...big BIG owies!" and how, after he suggests a safer route to her or a safer toy to play with...he gently squeezes her cheeks and informs her that she indeed SHOULD "yisten to Asher!". He is THREE, after all. He knows the ropes. It might also have to do with a little nightly singing session that has quickly become my most FAVORITE ritual of the day. The one in which my heart turns to mush in seeing him smile nervously as he anticipates singing a song with me. Asher has just recently shared with me his knowledge of the lyrics to the songs that I have sung to him nightly for the past three years...specifically the three in which he has requested (in order) over and over and over again every night for the past six months or so. The fishie song, the star song and the sunshine song. And so it is that every night I climb into bed with him, lay by his side as he takes one of my ears in between his thumb and index finger, and he begins asking for his songs. He likes for me to sing it one time through first...just for good measure...I think to make sure he is confident of the words as he practices them quietly in his mind while I sing the run-through. After me singing...he quietly asks me to sing again, only this time ASHER sings with mama. And then we sing...and his voice...oh his voice...hitting the same note for every word that he tries so very hard to pronounce just right. He smiles widely and giggles bashfully, thumbing the lobe of my ear like a worry stone and his voice trembles in a way that sends my heart into a million different pieces all at once. And as I praise him for his willingness and for his courage and for what a tremendously beautiful singer he is...his legs twitch about and he cuddles close and his arms wrap around my neck...because those moments are what build us up and make us proud. The moments when we share ourselves with others...no matter how nervous we are...and we reach down deep inside and try to be brave and send out our abilities with the most effort and beauty we can muster up...and it is always so nice to have it received with gentleness...with praise for what we gave...and with the kind of joy that leaves us feeling like we did something great. Asher does that for me every night since he has decided to trust me with his interest in these songs and in filling the air with music. It leaves me in this state of honest thankfulness...for all that he teaches me and for all that he brings to my life. And THIS girl. This girl who grows and changes with every passing minute of the day...but whose bright eyes and loving nature are steady pieces of our truth. A girl who loves to socialize and touch people with innocent trust in their goodness. This girl who encompasses so much...who makes herself laugh with explosion and who loves to be held close and feel safe. I love this girl. Last night, as I was singing with Asher...she fell asleep during her dinner with daddy. I was told her blinks became long and drawn out until they began to move her head about in winding circles...sending it to collapse to the side in a quiet surrender to her body's needs. I walked out to witness her tired body slumped down in her chair and just got so overwhelmed with this magnitude of gratefulness. I am surely blessed that I get to spend a few years in the daily presence of these souls. Josh snapped these photos and I had to share...pure sweetness.
And this one?? Oh.my.goodness. I am so in love.