i can't quite figure out exactly what has been keeping me away from this luscious little space. is it because i am dirt tired by the time night falls, and that is really the only time i have to collect enough thoughts to write something? is it because i have been exploring so much of myself that it feels a bit too tender and vulnerable to share any of it here? is it because i am still mid-cocoon and the shifts are all encompassing to a point of leaving little energy for expressing the process? whatever it may be...i think it is changing. i feel a longing to be here. i feel a big desire to be writing. i feel a sense of needing to create it into a practice somehow. i have really been encouraged on this very subject from several different bloggy beauties out there. some of them reminding me that i don't need to have anything brilliant to say in order to share. some of them encouraging me to write with deep integrity and honesty...honoring the hard parts of growth and metamorphosis. some of them inspiring me to share all the different parts of who i am...the silly and the ordinary.
i got on here earlier tonight and typed out something that i have been wanting to share. a story that i have been aching to re-tell. i was floundering a bit, because, well...it has been a while. but i finished it. and i was fairly happy. and then blogger lost it. so i squirmed. and then thought "ah, well...that isn't the way in which it was supposed to be shared". and that is the way i am looking at the past 5 or 6 months of living without much sharing in this space. it just wasn't the way in which my moments needed to be shared. so i am going to just pick up where i left off. bringing to the keyboard the woman that has lived and changed and shed and grown for the past several months with the honesty and integrity that i have gathered around me. i look up. and reach out.