Hello there! It has been a while, yes? Yes...it has. I have been out of the loop in every way possible the past few weeks. The details involved in making our days run have been taking the cake over creative outlets and anything inspiring, really. There has been a great leap in learning within our walls and with the curiosity and eagerness of these two little ones...I can't seem to do much else but learn along with them.
I've been trying hard to shift my thinking towards the BIG picture when it comes to finances and schooling and eating and living. Looking at the big picture always makes my head cloudy because I lack that trait that makes it easy to bring the big picture into the small picture. You know, the one where you know how to draw up a plan and incorporate which steps to take now and which to wait for later. I know how to dream and I know how to scheme up a really great picture...I also don't have a problem taking the steps once I know what they are. It is just knowing where to go from dream to step...the planning of "what" to do "when", that is where I get lost. So, life has been cloudy for me while I wait to learn that trait and I sit with myself while feeling like I am a thousand different souls at once...desires dancing around without a home. I have always been urgent...when I feel something come into my heart I want to manifest it NOW. I am realizing that this is literally impossible when you are as filled to the brim with passion and desire, because it would take several lifetimes to manifest the richness of every dream. I am trying to gain focus and I am trying to make choices. It feels a bit like organization of my mind, where I have to prioritize and rank and come to terms with saving things for later. None of that feels "good" to me, or natural for that matter. But I know that tasting reality can get me moving in the right direction...towards feasible doing and living.
It is very difficult for me, this balance of dreaming and walking. I am very intimate with my dreams and with what I know to be true within my heart...but I don't always know if it is what can exist outside of myself and I am totally unsure as to how to make it all blossom and thrive.
I am craving to break away towards the ocean where my thoughts can drift about on the waves and where I can get in touch with the reality of what matters and of what is mine.
Right now...life requires me to teach and learn, to be present with the demands that are necessary for children to feel safe and provided for. I try to make room for all the different pieces of me and I realize that there is a bigger picture. Life has this funny way of allowing certain parts to thrive while rocking others to sleep. I think perhaps the art of knowing one self is to be comfortable with what exists...whether it is known by others or not...and to have faith that what needs to be developed within is what is perfectly being refined through our life experiences at the moment. It is here where the cloudiness drifts away, where I can breathe deeply and whisper to myself... "all is well".