one good reason

It's quite a daunting task to think about catching up in this space. I have missed it here! I can't quite understand why it has been so difficult for me to make time to be here...to write and think and "be" in this sphere. There has been so much going on...so much to take note of and so much to involve myself in. I am just barely coming into this calm of "normalcy" and breath. I have missed several blog worthy moments, surely, but I guess that is what has been most helpful for me to take it all in...to miss out on my documentation of it in this realm and to simply live it all out. My energy and motivation in getting the stories and moments to this place has fallen short of existence...and I am not sure where to begin to re-enter my desire and practice of showing up. I suppose it will all work itself out. And, although I have failed to honor all of the wonderful events taking place in the past few weeks (ie. family time, Josh's birthday, my parents' anniversary, etc...), I thought that today would be a good day to make myself heard. Because, four years today I joined Josh in a ceremony that dedicated us as husband and wife...life partners in this crazy journey.

Four years ago today, I had no idea what a challenging road this would all be...but I had some sort of confidence that it was where we were to trod. So, along with friends and family (and Asher in utero) we exchanged vows and repeated words that hold great meaning and sacrifice...words that have somehow carried us into this messy, hopeful, and mysterious partnership of marriage. I certainly don't think this kind of commitment to one another is always easy or lovely or breathtakingly beautiful...but it is a commitment, and a sort of promise, and that in itself is extremely courageous and full of the kind of faith that moves people to do selfless things and to carry our hearts into greater struggle towards growth and understanding. Sometimes I look at the ways our roads cross...how we sometimes are journeying at different paces or taking detours through rocky terrain. I look at how we tend to adhere to our own inner compass and take note of the road signs that we know how to read...and sometimes it even looks like we go off in different directions, but there are always those moments...those ones where our paths come together, form crossroads and perhaps even travel parallel to one another...offering greater opportunity and strength to our individual existence. I think about those moments and I find myself feeling confident in what we have and where we are going...and I find that I am thankful for it all. For the ways we are so different and for the ways we keep searching and working to make this a place of growth and love. I'm appreciating this day and for the memory and magic of two people committing themselves to form companionship and meaning in a world that often feels void of that kind of support. Thanks for taking this journey with me...I look forward to another year of learning and choosing love...of living and breathing and doing our best.