1.02.2008

one good reason

It's quite a daunting task to think about catching up in this space. I have missed it here! I can't quite understand why it has been so difficult for me to make time to be here...to write and think and "be" in this sphere. There has been so much going on...so much to take note of and so much to involve myself in. I am just barely coming into this calm of "normalcy" and breath. I have missed several blog worthy moments, surely, but I guess that is what has been most helpful for me to take it all in...to miss out on my documentation of it in this realm and to simply live it all out. My energy and motivation in getting the stories and moments to this place has fallen short of existence...and I am not sure where to begin to re-enter my desire and practice of showing up. I suppose it will all work itself out. And, although I have failed to honor all of the wonderful events taking place in the past few weeks (ie. family time, Josh's birthday, my parents' anniversary, etc...), I thought that today would be a good day to make myself heard. Because, four years today I joined Josh in a ceremony that dedicated us as husband and wife...life partners in this crazy journey.
Four years ago today, I had no idea what a challenging road this would all be...but I had some sort of confidence that it was where we were to trod. So, along with friends and family (and Asher in utero) we exchanged vows and repeated words that hold great meaning and sacrifice...words that have somehow carried us into this messy, hopeful, and mysterious partnership of marriage. I certainly don't think this kind of commitment to one another is always easy or lovely or breathtakingly beautiful...but it is a commitment, and a sort of promise, and that in itself is extremely courageous and full of the kind of faith that moves people to do selfless things and to carry our hearts into greater struggle towards growth and understanding. Sometimes I look at the ways our roads cross...how we sometimes are journeying at different paces or taking detours through rocky terrain. I look at how we tend to adhere to our own inner compass and take note of the road signs that we know how to read...and sometimes it even looks like we go off in different directions, but there are always those moments...those ones where our paths come together, form crossroads and perhaps even travel parallel to one another...offering greater opportunity and strength to our individual existence. I think about those moments and I find myself feeling confident in what we have and where we are going...and I find that I am thankful for it all. For the ways we are so different and for the ways we keep searching and working to make this a place of growth and love. I'm appreciating this day and for the memory and magic of two people committing themselves to form companionship and meaning in a world that often feels void of that kind of support. Thanks for taking this journey with me...I look forward to another year of learning and choosing love...of living and breathing and doing our best.

13 comments:

Nonnie said...

such a sweet post, sass. i can't believe it has already been four years......so good to read your words.....it can be a long and winding road...but it sure is nice to have the company! :)

Sara said...

That is such an amazing photo of you guys! I love reading your posts...they almost all say what I seem to be thinking. Tim and I are days away from our 5th anniversary and your words here are so powerful. Happy day to you both...

Beth said...

happy anniversary. this is so beautifully written :) and such a beautiful photo of you guys!

daisies said...

happy anniversary :) what an incredibly beautiful heartfelt post, much love to you ... xox

Debbie said...

Happy Anniversary! The two of you are such beautiful people and love so deeply. I hope you were able to find some time to celebrate where you have been and where you can go. I LOVE the picture of the two of you, so sweet. Glad you are back to the blogging world.

Jme said...

Happy Anniversary! I called and left a message so I hope you got it. :)
Love you guys!

Auntie Vee said...

Happy Anniversary! And welcome back to Blog World...you were missed!

cassie said...

Loved you post...so full of promise, commitment, sacrifice, individuality, and love.

Blake & Andrea said...

Very very sweet, Happy Anniversary you are a beautiful couple!

GG said...

Jessamyn, perhaps without you realizing it you have described a marriage,i.e.; "roads cross; journeying at different paces; taking detours through rocky terrain; going off in different directions; adhering to inner compas; and taking note of the road signs that only we know how to read as an individual; roads come together at crossroads and we travel parallel to one another.... etc." That Is a marriage. Some people say "We've been married 40 years and never had an argument or cross word. And immediately my mind goes to the thought that one of you is a liar or a spineless jellyfish.
Grandma and I were married 48 years until death did us part. The road was not always smooth or beautiful to travel. But it was always "until death do us part." Sometimes it is obvious to me when you and Josh are on the outs...but so what! It is only 4 years. Grandma and I were still working it out for 48 years!
You and Josh are two beautiful people, physically, spiritually and humanly. I love and admire both of you tremendously. The beautiful family you have created is one of my pride and joys. Josh is a REAL man who takes care of his family and you are a REAL woman who provides & makes a home for you husband and children. What Josh does and what you do are really the main ingredients of a happy marriage. Your wealth or possession of material things or the absence of them is not equal to the forgoing. You will always have unrequited wants and desires; I did. But now that I am nearing the end of my life and look back upon it I am glad that God kept my vision clear concerning my marriage. I am so rich now...and part of that richness is comprised of having you and Josh and Asher and Journey counted amongst my treasures! I love you all so very much and prize you exceedingly. I hope you had a happy anniversay and that you have many, many more. Grandpa

rebecca said...

happy anniversary. this post is so eloquently and beautifully written. it was quite lovely to read these words of the meaning of two people coming together and committing to a lifelong bond. you managed to capture the true meaning of it and could not have been better said.

beautiful photo too.

((hugs))

Adrienne said...

Happy Anniversary Jess & Josh! It's been a long time since we've actually been able to spend time together but I do so appreciate reading about the journey that you and your family are on. Troy and I will be attending a wedding tomorrow and the Shenandoah Mill and we've been thinking about you both a lot lately and the beautiful wedding ceremony & reception you had there.

Simplicity Wins said...

I am so glad you are back to blogging. I have missed you. And a happy anniversary to you and your sweet husband. I remember your wedding day perfectly. It was the sweetest of ceremonies and you looked gorgeous. I remember tears welling up in my eyes as I saw you walking down the aisle and then glanced at Josh waiting patiently at the other end for his bride. well four years ad two babies later here you are. Happy four years!