growing pains

You know that line from the song by Jewel where she says "your standard of living somehow got stuck on survive."? That line has been playing over and over in my head the past few days. I am not sure why exactly. It may have something to do with my own thought processes...but it might also have a great deal to do with the fact that everyone around here is pretty restless. In fact...I have been attempting to write this post for the past 10 minutes and have been interrupted no less than SIX times by a toddler coming into our bedroom with nothing to say. Just a need to be put back into bed and kissed goodnight....again. It was a long, busy weekend. Full of wonderful moments...but FULL nonetheless...and sometimes that does strange things to us. It always seems like we come out of those times of fullness with a lot of processing to do, a need to slow our pace and a few unexpected growths to embrace and give space to. It seems like Asher has just grown into a full blown CHILD since his birthday. He is no longer a toddler...he is growing into his own and becoming so much MORE. His personality explodes through his words and actions everyday, and I am really growing more and more in love with the person that he is. If only I could figure out from whom he learned that the word NO actually has two syllables. The most frequent and favorite thing uttered from his mouth the past four days has been this: "NO-Waaaaaaaaaaaaaa" For the love of all things holy. It took all but two seconds for that one to become irritating. Where did he get that? I wish that I knew so that I could quietly interject it whenever possible in a conversation with them. Hopefully it is short lived. There have been so many other new phrases and expressions being introduced into our conversations and for the most part, they are really quite charming, actually. I especially love how he shows concern for Journey when she begins to cry. "Wha manner, baby?" (what's the matter baby?)...or when he asserts himself towards something that is obviously driving him nuts. "POP IP!!! Don wan it....MORE!" (stop it! I don't want it anymore!). Or if I am beginning to do something that he disapproves of he is quick to tell me...."wa wa wa wa wa wa wa wait, mama!". I also am enjoying how he uses the word "weally" (really). It pretty much means a LOT of something...numerous or plentiful amount of. As in..."da weally bug n'here"...(there's lots of bugs in here!). He is also starting to answer my questions with a "mmmmm hmmmmm" while nodding his head, and saying "wha boonin, mama" when he enters the room with curiosity as to what I am doing. He is always saying "tay choo" or "take" (thank you or thanks) and has recently started attaching affection to things that he really likes. We were in the grocery store, passed a box of honey nut cheerios and he exclaimed "I yuv honeybee!". He likes to flip through one of the bug books he received for his birthday, and point out the fact that he YUVS each and every bug on the page. I yuv wady bug (lady bug)! I yuv fa fy(fire fly)! I yuv bipper(caterpillar)! I yuv witick(cricket)! I yuv at(ant)! Things like that just fill me up. I think he is aware of his growth and development...and since there was such importance placed on him being a BIG boy this weekend...perhaps he is feeling a bit anxious about it all. That is the only thing that explains him crawling into our bed the past three nights...so sneakily. He doesn't do it sleepily either...it seems like he is wide awake, with a lot on his mind. I have to admit, though, that I love waking up to this little guy. He knows how to greet the morning and the people in his world like no one else I know. It is all as uplifting as the rising sun. Journey hasn't gone without growth the past four days herself. I do believe she is cutting some more teeth and kept herself awake last night with a terribly frustrating runny nose that interfered with nursing. She is MINUTES away from crawling and I think it all is just making her restless. I am so used to her being such a calm and relaxed child, that the nervous energy and anxiety the past few days has really been something different to adapt to. Her nerves are on edge and she is resisting sleep with every ounce of her being. As I write this, I can hear her little body tossing and turning about in the cradle. What work it is to accept the challenges of learning new things! As for me, I have been exhausted. Somehow the combination of the busy weekend, plus eating much more meat than I am accustomed to, coupled with the insane amount of sleep I have been getting (note the heavy dose of sarcasm there)...makes for the desire to have uneventful days that are, in all reality,NEVER uneventful. I feel like the day is a success if I finish it feeling somewhat sane. I am just trying to survive. I did manage to build up the energy to make a sweet little escape this evening. Josh came home and I headed out the door to a bookstore. I had forgotten what a delicious treat that is for me. I could spend days in a bookstore (as long as they have a coffee bar)...reading and browsing and discovering new treasures. I picked up a book that has been appearing to me a whole lot the past few months. It is called The Artist's Way...and I am SERIOUSLY excited about reading it. Yum. So...I plan on that bringing me a bit of inspiration and just enough good ju ju to get me through this feeling of "just surviving" and bringing me loads of the good stuff I need to help ease some of these growing pains. Perhaps then my standard of living won't be STUCK on anything at all, but rather moving with the rhythm and the pace of change. Around here, it appears to be inevitable.