tenderness*

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue center light pop and everybody goes "Awww!”

~Jack Kerouac

as the moon begins to wane, i am left with a wake of processing. it seems that a lot has begun to fill my heart, and honestly, sifting through it seems like no small task at the moment. so, instead, i breathe in and out, and sit with it all. there is no great effort in uncovering what life is speaking to me at the moment. i am just living it, and trusting the unfolding of all things. some of what sits inside is the cut of sadness over the loss of an american pop icon whose music i grew up dancing to as the lyrics spun round and round. it touches on this nostalgic place of realizing that he was my first iconic crush and that his music made this little 4 year old girl spin around in her living room...doing nothing else but living that moment. i remember how i grew, and he changed, but the memory of how i felt about him when i was so small is what kept me believing in him as a person...it is what kept me dancing to his songs. because somehow, in some distant way, his talent snuck into my life and sung to me of magic in human form. something otherworldly, something brilliant. something that didn't quite fit in this world in so many ways. and now, in his passing. i think of things like compassion and movement and being the change. i think of how we each have our own journeys, and that really what we need to focus on while we are walking (or dancing) is how we can offer compassion on the road. we each wrestle with our own restlessness. we each strive for our own star. we each sometimes wish, that our path might look a little different. when we come across weary travelers, when we become one ourselves... may we remember that we know nothing of what the terrain was like before this crossing. we know little of what type of storms have been endured. and we most likely can't see the inner landscape that is being traveled at the same time. we only see what is shown. but with compassion... with a little bit of tenderness, everything changes. we might get a peek into the truth that we are all human. and we are all walking (or dancing), and we are all doing the best with what we have. and... with that, i believe... the world can heal, because WE heal. i've been taking that sadness and looking into it for what the message is. does it have to do with encouragement to keep up with the compassion? is it telling me to dig deeper into my purpose? is it reminding me of how fragile we all are...and how quickly this life can pass? is it reminding me to live my life with everything i have? i'm not entirely sure. but i do know that i am being spoken to about starting where i am, again...even if it is the 1ooth reminder. and loving who i am, exactly WHERE i am. and reaching out to the world around me, in great compassion and love.