8.12.2009

coming together.

in so many incredible ways, it feels like we are reaching a very tasty place in this home. my children are really growing and stretching their worlds. asher is venturing into this new developmental stage of being so hungry for knowledge and experience. he is constantly asking me to read his dinosaur books to him over and over again, telling me with each turn of the page how he wants to go back in time and get every single one of the dinosaurs on the page. he aches to KNOW, to experience, to be fully submerged in his passion. it is quite contagious to see that fire and i want to do everything i can to help fan the flames. with this child, it could turn into an all out BLAZE, i do believe. they are also entering a very tender point in their relationship that i have not yet witnessed. there seem to be more moments of peace in their interaction, where they are reaching to one another for understanding and support. they are discovering that they have a true friend in the other. the quarrelling hasn't stopped, of course. the competitive spirits they exhibit at times still leave me flustered and confused...but there are these moments. the very true and soft moments of it all coming together. i try to rest in each one as it appears, but they are usually too quickly gone. even in their passing, there is peace left in the quake of togetherness. and i think that is summing up the shifts happening within myself. i feel as though i am taking the necessary steps of bringing it all together~ my perspective is being shaped by the deliberate actions of aligning my world with the things that are important, right now. i am learning to embrace the fact that in order to be who i know i am~ i must create the time in which to allow her to live. this means that i flexibly sew threads of my essence into the tapestry of my days through a pattern. for us, it means some type of schedule. and, as much as my free spirit coils from that word...i know that in doing so~ it will inevitably free me from those feelings of utter emptiness because of the hunger i feel for feeding such varied parts of my heart. i have spent quite a bit of time learning about what makes me feel FULL, of what encourages my higher self into active participation, and it is time to incorporate those very things i have explored into a natural rhythm within my life. i haven't always trusted that things unfold exactly as they should. i have spent several long periods of my life wishing that there was some other way or some other place. my power is lost in that because i am the ONLY one in my life who can create my own happiness, away and apart from the circumstances. so, waking up to a slow feeling of trust that it is never the end of the story~although it implies work~it is a high flying sense of togetherness. It all comes together, even if just for a few moments. It is in those moments that i am choosing to believe.

11 comments:

kimberly said...

oh i love this sass....the words and lovely photo showing these two as friends. i was just telling bee today that they are getting along well these days from what i have observed lately.....they are conscious of one another.....in need and conversation.....and sharing. i love sharing in what is going on with their worlds these days......all the new learning and interest...and growth!
so exciting....and know it is so good to see your efforts and love and encouragement making a wonderful world for these two little people!!
wonderful!
xoxo

MamaTea said...

Its remarkably delicious when siblings realize they have friends in each other. I still love those moments when they rediscover that fact.

Great picture!

Stacy (mama-om) said...

Oh, I love the way you write.

and I'm resonating with much of it... the sibling-love... the capitulation to a schedule - as a way to create more flow not less... trusting wholeness.

Cam said...

Speak to my soul, sister...

You have no idea how very much I needed to see these words tonight.

So very much...

Thank you!!

Charlotte said...

Jessamyn, this is a really profound blog, girl. You articulated truths that don't get articulated enough. One particularly favorite phrase of mine: "i am learning to embrace the fact that in order to be who i know i am~ i must create the time in which to allow her to live." True dat sister friend.

Anonymous said...

jessamyn, I did find your blog just a few days ago & I have instantly felt in love with it ... & this post is particularly beautiful, your words of wisdom did touch me & they did embrace my soul who was just crying for that special love that you share with others; thanks to you gentle & beautiful soul

ps: I have created my blog like a months ago & it is still empty - no time to write right now but I thought it was funny as the name that I have chosen for my blog is "love your life" ...

Jamie said...

i love watching them become "friends". :) it was a treat to be an observer during one of their phone conversations the other day. :)

latisha said...

gorgeous as always. love that you are embracing the change and allowing yourself to go against your mold.

Katy said...

Beautiful - as always - I Have been reading for a while but I don't htink I have ever commented - you articulated many things I have been feeling but haven't been able to get out!

Vonda said...

I love the picture and the words!

jenica said...

yum
yum
yum

so filled with goodness.
i'm glad to see you firmly occupying this space