There has been a (very hesitant) realization taking place within this little family. The acknowledgement that we will be staying within these wee walls for a bit longer, calling this physical place our home for several more moons has brought with it some much needed motivation to settle in as best we can into a rental, an "in-between" in the mind of moving on. I have actually become comfortable with the decision we have made to stay put. I think these walls offer some much needed lessons on living within our means and doing without things outside of that. All of that feels good and important and expansive.
It has also fueled me up with some motivation to get some energy flowing throughout this home. Since last Saturday, we have been moving things about, switching rooms with the babes and reconstructing the interior of our home in a way that "works" a bit more smoothly for us. I have even managed to set up a small (very small) little piece of the house for some creative work and inspiration. There is still much to be arranged and organized...and at this very moment I am feeling quite lost in that task. My eyes looking around, noticing that I only have TWO hands and also counting the number of blondie little heads running around my living room. One, two...yes there are two and they seem to be exercising every last effort to make sure organization is limited.
So my mind is branching itself out in too many directions all of which are stemming from a need to feel at home and in peace within this space.
Somehow, it will all get done. Closets will be moved around, crap will get purged, craft areas will be organized, rooms will become breathable, heck...the lawn might even get mowed and the floors quite possibly could get mopped.
What I am really aching for is to paint my kitchen yellow, to work with the earth in my backyard...designing, building and planting a garden, to hang beauty on my walls and to remember that all of these branches reach out from a single seed.
It is within that simple truth that I know something I MUST do for myself and my sanity. I must write...if even for brief moments, and I must create quiet time for myself in which to do so.
I'm not sure how it will all work out but I trust that with a little effort and a little bit of luck...I may be finding myself waking up before my littles, brewing a cup of coffee sitting down with full mind and empty page. I think this place might be the place I will be coming to.
If so, it might be worth me mentioning that I am hoping to invite the challenge that keeps appearing in my life to write with greater honesty and courage and to show up to this work without hesitation of who may be reading my words.
It isn't always easy for me to do this, but each time I hear this lesson from creative source, I wince and I cling and that is how I know I am supposed to write.
It is my way of sinking down into my source...where all of the branches, and their many directions, feel a bit more connected and purposeful.
6 comments:
Jess. I love to read your words. Because you openly show that you are human. It is very courageous to write like no one is reading. Your branches are beautiful, because they bare much fruit. So you should... write about it! Because we love to read it and learn from it!
Hey, I know where you took that picture :)...this purging is a great feeling, I did this to make room for an extra person coming into our house so I wouldn't feel sufficated in our space...after giving twelve bags of unused "stuff" to charity I felt so much better, granted the space was filled with someone elses stuff...but with two brunettes running around I mananged to get it all done...much love cleansing and organizing!!!
I love your writing, it is so open and honest. You have such a beautiful core and it brightens my day to see a little more about you. I adore you for who you really are and each word you write just confirms that in my heart.
It is sometimes so hard to do the "smart" thing when it comes to material items. I hope you enjoy your changes in your beautiful home and you find your space you need for your creativity. With all the changes you are making, it really will feel like a new space!
I love how you write and I realy enjoy reading them...we might not like living where we do but one thing is for sure..we still have our families with us, our good health and God, I know first hand about not liking our living spaces, we have to right NOW and I miss "owning". and like you one day I want a yellow kitchen too =)
Keep writting I love it, just like you do! Annette
i am finding doing a little at a time works fine and then you blink and so much more is done than you think :)
i love the yellow on my kitchen walls ~ hope you manage to get some on yours, xo
I am so proud of you for making difficult choiced today that will for sure make your life better later. Trust me....it will be worth it.
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